


Salty Seas

by GottaFlyAway



Category: The Walking Dead (Telltale Video Game)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Death, F/F, Friendship/Love, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Love, Suffering, Violence, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 14:29:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16160777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GottaFlyAway/pseuds/GottaFlyAway
Summary: Story takes place at the end of the episode 2.>>Even if the world has died,doesn't mean my feelings did.>>





	1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE.

* * *

 

  We approach him as he says still. He's got no chance now. No more getting away and saving his ass. He's exhausted. And I'm gonna make him pay.

"tell me where the camp is, asshole!" I kick him in the stomach with my tight boot.

"augggh!.. Bitch!" he spits the blood, "I knew, from the first time I saw you, little cunt! Go babysit your boy before he starts crying!" he laughs, but it doesn't last long, as I hit again. He coughs heavily. 

Abel really suffers in pain. He has a compound fracture, and it's bleeding terribly, ripping his skin with every move. 

"shithead," I mutter, "tell me where the camp is, I won't ask again."

Abel burns me through with his turgid, filled with anger eyes. "you can kill me, but you won't be able to stop us, raiders are coming, and we need more soldiers, so ya'll FUCKED! AUGHHAA!" He whimpers in pain, as Violet harshly steps on his broken leg.

"TELL me, where the fucking camp?!!" she yells. "You took so many of our PEOPLE! YOU TOOK MINERVA AND SOPHIE FROM US, WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY?!" her neck pulses with anger, I place my hand on her elbow, it's tense. 

Abel screams in pain, his eyes go wild. "Violet, that's not helping." I say.  
She treads one last time and leaves him. Now it seems like Abel can't even move. 

I shake my head, "we better tie him up and move to the basement. Ruby, could you give me a rope?"

"ahh, yeah, s-sure. " redhead hurried in the direction of the greenhouse. I come up to Violet.

"hey, I know it sucks. But we did everything we could."

"no shit, we didn't. If that fuck-head Marlon wouldn't have started it, we could've been save by now. We could make them go away, but we didn't, he just gave away our people like they were nothing, without even telling us!" she looked at me, all stressed. Spite in her eyes mixed with sadness and confusion. "and yeah, I'm fucking furious."

"I get that, Vi. We can try him again tomorrow. Now, we all need rest. You, too."

"yeah, fine. Whatever." Violet says and goes inside. 

"Clementine, the rope,"

"thanks." I take the dirty rope and tie it up over Abel's legs. Taking him by the armpits, I drag him to the basement.

"you better stay quiet. We'll talk again tomorrow." I say, before locking the basement door. I can still hear him from the inside, his heavy breathing, but that's not so bothering. Or that's what I'm trying to convince myself of. 

I really hope he stays alive until tomorrow. He's our only chance. And we sure do not need another walker here. 

The yard looked awfully plundered. The fire wouldn't stop sweeping everything in its path. There was a smell of rotten burning flesh in the air. Ten stood over Mitch, looking at his lifeless body. His bloody neck shines, reflecting fire. Dead people. Again. 

I walk inside, trying not to look around much. The building feels so cold and empty. So quiet. No chattering, or arguing, nothing.

I should've stayed and help, but I'm too tired. Abel really got me good, and after the fall I don't feel great at all. 

Thank God, AJ's in our room. Sitting on his bed with the knife, his little dark fingers tracing lines along the blade. He seems so small in this room. In this whole world. 

"hey there," I say. He wouldn't even raise his head. I feel pinched, going to my bed.

"you didn't Kill him." AJ said. "you said you would, and you didn't."

"we're gonna need him, AJ. He gotta tell us where the camp is. So we can get our people back, and then - a revenge."

He sighs, "bullshit. I can't believe we've lost Louis." boy kicks the bed leg with his boot. "I really hate Abel, I do."

"we all do. But killing him right now would be a mistake."

"i thought Violet would do it. She seemed so angry."

"that's because she was. You know she has reasons." I say, looking at him. 

"because of Minerva?" he asks. That name hits me. I haven't heard it in a while and I wish.. I didn't now.

I take a pause, "yes."

"you think they're alive? Out there, in the camp?" 

"I dunno, AJ. But I hope so." I say, unable to show any emotion. 

AJ gets up and comes over to me. I pat the bed next to me, he climbs up and clings into my coat. 

"you look tired." he says. 

"yeah, think I'm exhausted." I chuckle, pecking his forehead. 

"can I sleep with you? That's the last time, I promise.." 

I can't help smiling, "yeah, of course." 

I lie down, moving my back closely to the wall. He fidgets, trying to make himself comfortable beside me. I cuddle him, covering us both with thin blanket. 

"warm little guy. Good night." I say. 

"night, Clem.." 

 

* * *

"Clem, RUN!" AJ's scream stunned me. I can't see him. I can't see anything, there is a fiery darkness in front of me, black water is drawn under my feet with every step, it splashes from my steps.

Sharply twisting around, I see a girl. She seems familiar, but I can't understand who it is. She has a rifle in her hands and she is pointing it at me. He shoots, misses. My heartbeat jumps, it's heavy. I notice Violet through the corner of my eye. Her gun is aimed at us, but she doesn't shoot.

"Violet!" I yell, tripping on the shots. "please!!" her eyes go teary. She lowers the gun and looks away. 

My heart sinks, "VIOLET!"

A gun shot. 

 

* * *

I woke up late in the morning with an unpleasant headache and a sense of fear.

Slowly, I got up, feeling soreness in some parts of my body. I looked at my clothes, it's more bloody than before. Wish I could find something new and clean. 

 

I picked up my cap and hurried out onto the street. By this time, the guys cleared most of the territory. Corpses were nowhere to be seen, they also got rid of improvised barricades.

I wonder where's Violet? She wasn't on the stone fence - her favorite place to hang. 

"Clem!" 

"hi, AJ," 

"Ruby was looking for you. She's on the graveyard." 

"I'll talk to her, thanks," 

The boy nodded and ran back to the guard post. This time there was no Ten. He was nowhere to be seen. 

I went to the bell tower, hoping to find Violet. I can always talk to Ruby later.  
Thick, prickly bushes grew on the trail there. It reminds me of her a little.. More often than not, Violet is bold, unfriendly. She wasn't always like that, I'm sure of it. Guess living in the apocalypse can mess anyone up. 

I climbed the building, she was there. Sitting and staring into the distance. 

"Clem?" she heard me coming. "hi," 

"hi, how you doing?" I sat next to her. 

"fine." she said. 

"I was thinking about you. Yesterday and.. I dunno. I thought I should just leave you be." 

"yeah, I wasn't in the mood." she sighed, exposing her face to the wind. "I.. Sorry. What happened yesterday is fucked. My mind's sorta out of place." 

"I can see that." 

My stomach twitches at the thoughts going through my mind. 

"you can share, if you like." 

"probably. Yeah. As you know, last year they took just two of us, now they came for everyone, and I couldn't stop it. I dunno what's right. I've blamed everyone really, mostly myself. Because we're powerless. All we've got is bows, but obviously, that's not enough. Mitch is dead, and he's the only one who knew how to make these fucking bombs." Violet hangs her head. "we need weapon. If we're getting our people back."

"It's not your fault, Violet, none of this." I carefully place my fingers above hers. She doesn't move.

"thank you. I appreciate it." she says. 

"of course." 

Violet looks up at me. I feel the chill run down my spine, as she closes in on me. Slowly, her gaze never leaves my lips. 

She kisses me. My stomach twitches in a knot. 

I really enjoy it. Violet.. 

"thank you for that, too." she says, still close to me. Soon overtaken by her shyness, she pulls back. "we gotta think of something." 

"we've still got Abel unfinished over there." I say, still under the effect. 

"yeah, right. If we'll ever be able to get something out of him. " 

"he might crack up, if offer him help."

"sadly, we can't offer that much, since we need help ourselves. What about weapons?" 

 

"how about exploring the surrounding area? Outside the safe zone. Maybe we can find something there." I suggest. 

Violet frowns, "Marlon was so worked up about leaving the safe zone. Not sure if understood the risks of staying. Even after what happened." 

"there are risks of staying AND leaving. Guess we're in no win here. Still, retreating quietly seems better than being a target." 

Violet runs her hand across the grass growing through the stone block, wresting small pieces. 

"Clem. You've been on the road for a long time. Where do we go?" When she looked at me, her eyes were full of hope. They made my heart fill with warmth. It's like a home, where you can always hide from bad things. Wake up in a warm bed and feel safe and serene. I miss this feeling so much. But now it seemed to come to life inside me.

I took some time to think. Because of the woods even from up here you can't see much. But there's gotta be something. 

"we should go south." I finally say. "that's where I came from. It would be nice to get to the road and find a working car, if it's possible. It's easier to navigate on the road either way."

"but then we'll be entirely exposed to other people. And if they attack, we're dead." 

"We shouldn't t go on the road itself. The main thing is not to lose sight of it."

Violet nods, "I guess that could work. But.." 

"but I'm not sure if we can save the others." I finished for her.

She got up, offering me a hand. "The raiders that we killed had guns. We'll use them."

 

* * *


	2. New Day, New Sorrow

CHAPTER TWO.

* * *

 

"We buried Mitch this morning. I decided not to wake you up, you were so tired yesterday."

"thank you, Ruby. I'm so sorry it had to happen like this." I put my hand on her shoulder. The girl carefully holds back her heavy sighs and intermittent sobs. Her plump cheeks became completely pink, like a peach.

"just so many deaths.. I didn't think we would start losing people again." I could only sigh. At some point, I felt guilty about everything that happened. As if I came and brought the storm. "you've helped a lot, Clem. It's a shame we couldn't save everyone." 

"We will. They're not getting rid of us that easy." I say, looking at all the graves before us.

"I wouldn't throw myself on the sword like that. You and Violet are pretty temperamental, I noticed that. But sometimes it's worth being careful." Ruby thought about it, "on the other hand, we've been trying to avoid the world by being here all these years. No wonder we got attacked eventually." 

I study her shirt and notice some new extra blood stains. 

"How's Omar?" I ask. 

"oh, he's fine. As much as he can be. He's resting." 

Together with Ruby, we returned to the yard. I helped her turn the tables, put the benches in place. She obviously wasn't taking it easy.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah. I just ... I don’t know. I can’t get rid of this ugly feeling. We lost people before, but ... Not like this. Each time it gets harder. In a sense, I scold myself for still not being used to it." 

"you can never get used to death. It gets easier with walkers, but not people." 

"I guess you're right.." 

Ruby thanked me and disappeared into the greenhouse. I watched her lonely figure with a pinch of sorrow. 

 

I entered the school. Two corpses of raiders were still lying on the ground floor. I made sure they wouldn't come back to life, splattering more blood on my shoes. 

The one that got into the trap was engulfed with bricks, and it looked awful. Stone particles bounded straight into his skin, making it look muddy.

Violet probably took all the weapon they had.

I climbed the second floor, feeling the steps creak and crumble under my feet. The door to the main office was ajar.

I entered. Ten was playing on the floor. Although, rather, he wasn't t playing, but simply holding a toy figures in his hands, peering at them.

Violet swayed in the office chair, pushing off the table with her foot. She raised her head to the sound.

"Hope I'm not interrupting?" I ask, closing the door behind me with a click.

"not at all, come here." Violet lowers her feet and stands up. "take a look. Bout all we've got." She points at 4 barrels lined up against the wall and a small revolver nearby. I take a closer look at each. 

"looks pretty decent." I say, her face shows a bit of a flash. 

"they've seen things, but it's already something." 

"what about the ammo?" 

"Found some on the guy beneath the bricks, plus those that were in the yard."

"well, that sound good to me. What about Abel?"

"Dunno. I didn't -"

"guys," Ten suddenly intervened. He got up from the floor and came closer to us. "are you planning on leaving?"

Me and Violet exchanged glances.

"that can be the best thing for us, Ten." she said. "staying isn't safe."

"but what about others? My sisters?"

Violet sighed heavily, crossing her arms.

"we'll try to rescue Louis, and Aasim. But I can't say the same about your sisters." I say. His face drooped instantly. 

"It would be better if they were in a better place..." he uttered and left the room.

"why'd you say that?" Violet asked.

"I just don't want him to get his hopes up. They might be there. Alive or not."

Violet sat on the edge of the table. She took out a small unfamiliar box from her pocket.

"want one?" she offered me a cigarette. So that's what it is.

"where'd you got these?"

"in that woman's pocket. The one you smashed down with the sofa."

Unsure, I took a cigarette. Violet took out matches, lit her one. 

"Light it from mine." I moved closer, dibbing our cigarettes, inhaling acrid smoke. For a brief moment, our eyes meet. Her green eyes reflected the fire, becoming similar to autumn foliage.

Caustic smoke strikes my eyes, tears welling up.

"wow, easy," Violet chuckles, as I start coughing mercilessly. "take it slowly, don't inhale too much smoke at once."

It took me a while to calm a throat irritating cough. 

"yeah, that's better." I draw in and exhale. My throat is still scratchy, so I'm gulping constantly. Room quickly fills with fume. 

I sit down next to Violet. "you learn very fast." she says with playful grin on her face. "I'm sorry I was kind of.. Techy since yesterday."

"that's okay. You weren't even that bad." we smile at each other.

As my cigarette gets shorter, I feel more and more dizzy. 

"you've done this before?" I ask. 

"couple of times. Didn't you?" 

"Not really. Just once. And then I started choking." 

"poor girl," Violet teases me, "ah. You know, today I actually want to be irresponsible. I'm tired. Aren't you?" 

"yeah.. But what do you mean?"

"I know Marlon has something fun in here. We just gotta find it." Violet checks every drawer in the table. When she opens the last one, I hear something rolling down on its bottom.

"alcohol helps. That's what adults say. I guess now we're adults as well." 

"are you sure that's a good idea?"

"no. But that's what I want at the moment. It won't get worse if we drink a little. The end of the world has already happened, so.."

She opened the bottle with a ringing click of the cork.

Violet took a moment, examining the bottle and its contents. "I know people always make a toast, but ... I never really liked this tradition." she takes a sharp gulp, throwing her head back. Then she swallows, squinting.

"how bad is it?" I ask.

"not even half tasty. But you gotta try it anyway." she gives me the drink. I take it, briefly noticing the sunset through a window. I couldn't really see the sun, just a pinkish fog, but it was a catchy view. Like strawberry mixed with milk. 

I take a sip, alcohol burns my throat: it tastes bitter and unpleasant. My stomach instantly feels ardent.

"fuck," I mutter. 

And go for another shot.

"Woah, Clem, are you alright?" Violet studies me with concern.

"perfectly. Just tired." I take a deep breath. Room starts to dance a little around me.

I feel Violet's gaze on me. It never left.

"you're so beautiful, Clementine. I'm sure many have told you that." she says. 

"no one, really," I chuckle. 

"well, Louis might not tell you that, but he's head over heels about you." 

"he's just a friend." I say, dangling the liquid in the bottle. Then I offer it to her, Violet takes a sip.

"shit," I rub my eyes. "it hits fast."

"yeah. This thingy is called 'wine'."

I look at her. Our eyes meet. We freeze, both waiting for something, feeling the excitement growing inside.

I step forward, fusing our lips. Hers cold and wet, my already filled with the heat of adrenaline.

I wrap my arms around her neck, pulling her in. Her hand rests on my waist.

The kiss seems so long, I don't feel the ground under my feet. I break away from her, "I'm so drunk," I chuckle ironically.

Violet grins at me, "or maybe not enough." she gives me the bottle and I take a sip.

Don't know what's gotten into me. I am gripped by wild enthusiasm, taking one sip after another. I feel incredibly good, I forget about worries. About everything.

"shit, I.. I gotta find AJ." the thought hits me. Slowly, I begin to move towards the door, but everything floats before my eyes.

"where are you going? He's not suppose to see you like this, Clem." Violet grabs my arm.

"what if he's in danger?" I wouldn't calm down. 

"he's not. He wouldn't leave the territory. He's a smart boy." She looks at me, trying to reason.

I wave my head, "I need to make sure." hopelessly drunk, I try to leave the room.

"I'll go find him. You stay here." she says. I nod.

Violet doesn't seem to be in such a bad condition as I am. I sit down on the chair, drowning in it. Everything goes fuzzy.

I forgot myself. Completely forgotten. How much time has passed? What if something happened to him? How irresponsible was I at that moment?

Oh fuck.

I almost pass out when the door creaks.

"he's fine. He's in your room with Ten." Violet says. She looks sober. More or less.

"I feel tired. But.. In a good way." I admit, closing my eyes.

"I bet. Clementine?"

"yea?"

"I think you should stay in my room tonight. I've already told AJ you're a bit.. Sick." Violet looked away, scratching her head.

I froze, suddenly anxious. I can't sleep with AJ, that's not gonna look good.

My throat's dry. "okay, I guess." I say.

"OK. Let's go then. Before anyone sees you like this." she smirks.

Violet's room is similar to ours, with just tiny differences. There are only two beds without a second floor. The same cabinet in the wall, the same shelves. There are some books on them that I almost immediately forget about. 

Violet lights a candle. She takes a seat on the bed that seems to be messier than the other one. I join her after.

Leaning on the wall, I sigh, "Never thought I'd get so drunk. Ever." I also notice a little hoarseness in my voice.

"that's just had to happen."

"probably."

"You know, we had one dude here. He would constantly steal alcohol from the director's office. Of course, when he wasn't there anymore. Then Marlon kind of made him stop, so we managed to save a few bottles."

"he died?" I asked boldly.

"yep. Was a pain in the ass, to be honest. I never really-"

"Violet! You there?" called the voice from outside the room. It was Ruby.

"shit. Yeah, coming."

"we've got a problem. I've heard noises from the basement." Ruby started as soon as she could nip in inside.

"what kind?" Violet asked, not really fond of that conversation.

"they sounded like moaning. More of a walker than a human."

"so he turned?" I barged in.

"Clem, you're here?" she looked surprised for a moment, "I guess so? We need to check on him."

"fine, we will. I'll get the flashlight. Wait for me outside." Violet disappeared around the corner, I hurried into our room. AJ and Ten were sleeping in adjacent beds. Thank God.

We went out into a total darkness. No moon, nothing, everything's hidden by the fog. 

Soon we were joined by Violet. She made sure the flashlight was working and we went, rustling the grass under our feet. As if someone was whispering next to us, the wind fanned the foliage. I heard the cry of a distant bird and shuddered.

There really are noises. Now I hear them. My entire drunkiness vanished. I clearly distinguish everything that comes.

"fucking hell," Violet pulls out a knife. I do the same with mine.  
She opens the door with extreme caution. I immediately take place behind her, peering intently.

 

"guys, what a hell are you doing here?" I jerked sharply at the sound, pointing the knife at the speaker, Violet illuminated him with a flashlight. It was Omar.

"fuck, Omar, you scared us!" Ruby exclaimed in a whisper.

"I've heard noises, so here I am."

"We heard them, too, and-"

"Ruby, quiet!" Violet cut her off. She slowly conducted a flashlight beam over the accessible part of the basement.

"I think the moans are coming from the far corner." I say. "if it is a walker, we can lure it with a sound."

"yeah, we can." Violet squatted down and struck the lantern body against the metal prop at the entrance.

Down there, something stirred, making sounds of dragging.

It was a walking one, there was almost no doubt left. Soon he crawled out to the highlighted area.

" so he did turn.." Ruby whispered.

"he probably died of blood-loss." I said.

Abel crawled, dragging his almost severed leg and leaving a trail of blood.

"jesus christ," Omar grabbed his stomach and seemed ready to vomit.

With a sharp movement, Violet took out a revolver, making a thundering shot right at the victim's head. Shot, that immediately spread around.

"he was our chance.." she uttered.

"there is still a possibility to find the raiders without his help." I said.

Violet lowered her gun and looked tiredly at the sky.

"I don't know, Clem. I don't know."

 

* * *


	3. Warm

CHAPTER THREE.

 

* * *

 

"what happened yesterday?" AJ had his eyes on my back the entire time while I was brewing coffee.

"Abel turned. Ruby thinks it was a blood-loss,why he died." I said, without turning to face him.

"why didn't you wake me up? So I could protect you?" I heard a resentment in his voice.

"AJ, I know you're rushing into battle. But sometimes it's you who needs protection, not me. You're still a child. Abel presented no real danger and we quickly dealt with him." 

"but what does it change? I'm small, and so what? You said I'm strong, and that I'm a good shooter!" he scowled. I tried to sip my coffee, but burned my tongue. 

"it's not that. People tend to judge by your size. And when they see a small child, they're most likely gonna use you to push, or threaten me."

"but that's bullshit!"

"yeah, it is. Strangers are very dangerous, and you know that as well as I do. I should've told you a long time ago. I just didn't expect that we'll meet new people so soon.. You want some coffee?" 

"yea." he carefully took the drink from me, blowing at it, before putting it to his lips,  
"it's.. Strong. I don't like it." He gave me the mug back.

"thought so." 

I just put the mug on the table, when someone knocked on the door lowly. 

"Violet," I unwittingly smiled at the sight of her over the threshold, "good morning." 

"morning, Clem. There's that.. guy beyond the fence. The one you met in the forest." 

I was taken aback by that. Why would he come here?  
AJ jumped off the bed and walked up to us.

"is there a problem?" he asked. 

"no, I think we can deal with him peacefully." I said, watching Violet. She nodded.

 

Even from afar, I realized that it really is James behind the fence. Instantly, in my head I estimated all the troubles that may be associated with this.

 

"Hello, Clementine." he said, taking his leather mask off as I came close. 

"James, what brought you here?" He was somewhat embarrassed by my concreteness, but I didn't want to delay. 

"I saw you get attacked by the group of people few days ago. I think I know where to find them." 

I looked at Violet not far from us. She seems very protective about the situation. 

"how do you know?" I ask. 

"I followed them a while. It's actually not so far from here. Couple of hours walking, I think." 

I studied him, looking for a catch. "so you wanna help us? Why?" 

"I've already helped you, just because I wanted. My reasons didn't change." 

I still can't buy that entirely. Simple charity of his own free will? Unlikely, though, he did help AJ in the forest. Just like that. 

"We need to discuss it. Come in for now," I opened the small chink for him to come through, then took Violet aside for a sufficient distance.

"what'd you say?" I ask. 

"I don't like him, Clem. I really don't." 

"he offers to help. He knows where the raiders are." 

"maybe because he's one of them?" Violet whispers displeasedly.

"I don't think he is, Vi."

"well, we can't know for sure. People are dangerous, Clem, you know that even better than me. How can we know if he's not the raider? Maybe they sent him to make a point?"

"but he saved me and AJ FROM them. I don't think it's just a cover. "

"I really doubt it. We gotta get more information from him. As long as he wouldn't do anything stupid, he can stay. Until we figure out what to do."

James was sitting motionless, holding something in his hands and was examining it painstakingly. We approached and sat down at the table on the opposite seat. 

"so where are they?" Violet asked. 

"South. I couple of miles away, I think." James said. He always remained calm. It seemed that nothing would unbalance him and break the monotony of his voice.

"is the place well protected?" 

"I guess. I didn't come that close, didn't want to catch a bullet in my head. I bet they have guards. Not one or two, many." 

"have you ever been inside?" I asked. 

"no, but I've been watching them before for a while. Not that I could see much, but they have a pretty big community. Sometimes they sent people to hunt. Maybe even the kids they took." 

"is there a chance to get inside?" 

"if there is it wouldn't be easy-?" James broke off. AJ stood on his left, tugging at his sleeve. He showed up so suddenly, but I was happy to see him. 

"thank you," the boy said, "for saving us. I don't really remember that, but Clem told me." 

 

James seemed to like AJ, his face softened a bit, "of course." 

The boy nodded to him gratefully and went to the observation post. He really liked this place, him and Ten both. 

"like I said, it wouldn't be easy, and it would be stupid." James continued, looking directly at us. 

"We can't just put our hands down, sitting here. They'll come after us soon." Violet said.

"James's right. We can't just rush in there with wooden bows." I say. 

"I've got an acquaintance there. But that can barely help. He won't betray them, or get himself in trouble." 

"shit." Violet muttered.  
I can imagine what conflicting feelings overcome her. She's recently found out that Minerva is alive, and even I don’t know what to make of this. Louis is her friend no matter what, and he was kidnapped too.

And I know that she's thinking of her. Of Minerva. I know she does..

Violet and James had a long discussion about what we could do, but they didn’t come to anything, because our weapons were completely unsuitable, and people simply weren't ready.

Violet located James in the room where Mitch used to live. He locked himself in there and didn’t come out the rest of the day. 

In the evening we decided to light a fire. But, contrary to the established habit, no one joined us.  
AJ and Ten said they'll play inside, Ruby complained about a headache and went to bed after dinner, and Omar practically didn't show up, suffering of his gunshot wound.

 

"I never thought it would be this sad once." Violet said, warming her hands next to the fire. She pulled out the pack of cigarettes and took out two. I didn't reject the offer. 

"never thought I'd smoke." I said.

"yeah, me too, kinda."

We do a couple of puffs. I'm getting increasingly addicted to this. Even if it's a hoax, cigarettes sure are reassuring.

"how'd you end up here?" I asked.

"It's a long story. Not a pleasant one, too. Sure you wanna hear it?" 

"only if you're willing to share." 

She looked at the fire. Red flames reflected on her face, making it so bright and alive. 

"my dad was a drunk as long as I can remember, while my mom was working three jobs, so we could get by. She often left me with my grandmother. We would always watch cartoons, mostly because she just didn't care. After my grandpa died, she just... Shut down. One day she brought home a rifle. She knew that the trigger was out of reach, so she used the back scratcher with one end shaped like a hand and pulled the trigger. Bam. And blew her brains out.. Eh.. Five hours later my mom came to take me. She wondered why I didn't call the police, or ambulance, and I just said that.. It's not like grandma was going anywhere, and I just wanted to finish my cartoons. " 

"Violet.. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have brought that up. " I placed my hand on top of her knee. It was rugged and warm. 

"that's okay. I guess I wasn't a good person." 

"you are a good person." I say. 

I look at her as she blows out the smoke. The fire cracks and I almost feel at peace. 

 

"and where were you? Before all of this?" Violet asks. 

"Atlanta. Georgia state. I lived with my parents, we had quite a nice family. but when it all started, they weren't there. They left on vacation, left me with a babysitter. I remember thinking of all the things we'll do when they come back, but they didn't. And then, I guess, my babysitter just got bitten. I didn't see it myself, but she was gone for a few days. I felt abandoned and alone, so I climbed up on my tree house and stayed there, at least feeling safe." 

"that's fucked. Who found you?" 

"Lee did. He took care of me later on." Again, I felt the full weight of the past on my shoulders. Making deep puffs, I promptly reduced a cigarette.

 

"you know, I only now realized how tired I am of all of this. Running and fighting. I just wanna be at peace, not bothered. Sometimes it's like I don't care at all. I feel bad for that feeling. " I say. 

"I know what you mean. It's been a time when I simply didn't wanna do anything. I didn't wanna move, or eat. I didn't care if I'll be killed by walkers or not. But that was.. Scary. I thought, is that all? Is this when all of my power gone out? But then.. You and AJ showed up. And it sort of disappeared. I feel something again.. And it's.. New." she spoke slowly and with caution, making my heartbeat race. 

"I feel something, too, Violet." 

She turned to me and smiled softly, peeking at my lips, "what?.." I asked, trying to release the tension, but it just got stronger. 

Violet leaned in, placing a kiss. I saw my eyelashes flatter, such an airy feeling in the stomach, almost ticklish, but incredibly sweet.

So I turned the kiss into something more intimate than just a peck.  
Thoughts were flashing through my head, but at the same time I couldn't think of anything. How dear Violet became to me, and each time this feeling intensifies, and it seems that I'm drowning and drowning in it...

We break the kiss, but stay close to each other's faces. I wanna say something, but can't. 

"Clem.." she whispers, "I don't how to say it.. But I want.. More time with you." It painted a blush upon me. 

"I want it, too." 

"can we... Spend the night together in my room?" her voice shakes, she's just as worried as me. 

".. Yeah, we can. But I gotta make sure AJ's asleep first."

"okay." 

I rub the cigarette butt with my foot off the ground and go inside the school.

 

There is childish laughter in the hallway, so I quickly find them in the main office. Looks like they're having a really good time.

"no, firefighters don't do that!" Ten laughs. 

"prove it! Until I see a prove - I won't believe you!"

I quietly walk up to them and sit down by AJ's side. 

"HI, Clem," he exclaims, "we're playing an arrest."

"I told him firefighters don't do that!" Ten appeals to me. 

"well, firefighters really don't catch thiefs, policemen do that." 

"but I wanna play like this." AJ opposes. 

"Don't be so stubborn, AJ, try to compromise with Ten." I plant a quick kiss on his forehead, "I'll be in Violet's room tonight. Try not to stay awake for too long, and go to sleep after you finish a game, okay?" 

"yeas! Of course, thanks, Clem!" 

"goodnight." I say, leaving them alone. 

Soon I meet Violet in her room. She already took off some of the clothes, remaining in a T-shirt and jeans.

"hope it's not a bad timing?" I ask. 

"yeah, it's totally awful, I think you should leave." Violet says in a joking manner, "stop being so humble, come on." 

I start taking off my clothes, placing them on the opposite bed that's not used. In my mesh flannel and pants, I go to Violet's bed. 

"you can sleep on the other bed, if you're uncomfortable." she says. 

"I wanna sleep with you." I say. She turns away, probably rouging. 

We lie down on the bed, she's closer to the wall. Face to face, but not touching.

I stare into her eyes with that ticklish feel in my stomach. 

"I'm sorry you had to lose your parents like this." she whispers. 

"I'm sorry your mother gave up on you. You deserve so much better." 

"We all do." Violet kisses my nose gently. 

 

Soon my eyelids lower, and I forget about everything. 

 

* * *


	4. Scarlet flame

CHAPTER FOUR

 

* * *

The Ranch. Neighing horses. they made a home inside my head. They're So loud. And that fire. And the scream. 

I'm so hot, my limbs seem to be firey. Everything is burning ... My ... My hands light up, I feel the skin stinging, multiple burns, like back then, when I touched a heated stove for the first time, only a hundred times worse. 

 

I wake up in a stew, feeling my insides quiver. 

 

"Clem.. You asleep?" Violet's husky voice interrupts my thoughts. Her hand's resting in the flexure of my waist, so I feel saver to think. 

 

"No," I whisper, "Not anymore." 

I sat up, rubbing my head. 

"what's bothering you?" she asked. 

"I.. I had a nightmare. The same one I've been having for a while." 

"what about?" 

"It's just.. Me and AJ have been through a lot. And I almost lost him, multiple times. I know he's save now, but not seeing him around makes me remember these things." 

"you're doing the best you can to protect him, Clem. And he's not even yours. I wish someone cared so much about me when I was little." 

"I knew his parents. They were a very good people."

 

Violet sat up next to me, cross-legged. Her features were softer in the morning, I didn't notice that before. 

"what are we gonna do? It's hard not to think of what might be happening to them." she admitted, "you know, when I first got here, I really hated Louis. He was just.. Too much. Every time he would walk into a room and be like" I'm here, watch me perform!" it's just so stupid. But he really cared about people, and he showed that a lot. Hell, he could even sing to you about it. I guess I didn't appreciate it much back then. I.. think you meant a lot to him, too." she piped at me with some special warmness. Her voice was very soft and husky, so soothing. 

 

"I was kind of taken aback when he started to sing that song with my name in it, but in a good way. I know that he cares a lot. So we gotta get him back." 

I got up and grabbed my jacket. 

"We need to know what we're up against. Since James might show us where it is, we'll make up a plan to get in." 

"Clem, are you sure he's not trouble? I mean, some guy out of the woods?."

"He's the only chance we've got, since Abel is dead. Plus, I'm kind of the girl out of the woods myself." 

She glanced at me, "you're not wearing a mask made of a walker skin." 

"don't you think it's a smart move? It saved his life so far." 

"I guess you're right. Okay, yeah."

 

"I'll go check up on AJ."

I left the room to end up in a cool, quiet carridor. 

"Clem?" 

Fuck, 

"shit, James, you startled me, " I turned to face him. 

"sorry. I've been thinking about the raiders the entire night." he scratched the back of his head. "what's your plan?" 

"we're just going, no plan for now. We need to see the whole thing before we can make any plans. Lilly said a lot of things about this community. We'll see which of them are true."

"then we have to go soon." 

"and we will. Go downstairs and I'll be there in a few." 

 

James disappeared around the corner, dragging his mask along with him. 

As soon as I opened the door to my room, AJ ran up to me. 

I squezzed him tightly in a hug, "hi there, how was your night?" 

"it's cool, pretty much the same. Only this time I had to blow out a candle for myself." 

"oh, that's great." At first, he seemed enthusiastic, but the seriousness took over him. I notice that a lot lately. As if he suddenly remembers that he can't stay a kid for too long. 

"Clem?" he asked, tugging at his sleeve. 

"yeah?" 

"you'll be sleeping at Violet's now?" 

"not always. I still have to watch out for you, remember?" I cracked a smile, but AJ remained puzzled. 

"do you love her?" 

My eyebrows unwillingly raised, "Why you ask?"

"you spend a lot of time with her, and I... I get this strange feeling when I see that. It's not nice. Like I wanna be in her place, but I'm not." 

"oh, AJ," I took his small but stout hands in mine, "you know I love you. You don't need to be jealous of anyone, okay? Even if I care a lot about Violet, doesn't mean I will forget about you. I never will." 

"are you mad at me now?" he asked, studying me for an answer. 

"no, I'm not mad at you. It's okay to have these feelings." 

 

"hm... Okay.." He went to the table, on which stood an improvised coffee maker, it steamed. "I thought I'll give coffee another try." 

"is that so? How was this time?" 

"it still sucked. I dunno how you adults drink this." 

"you get used to it. I guess that reminds us of normal life." He dangled a dark, fragrant liquid around the tin and put it back on the table.

"We gotta go and see where the raiders are. James is gonna help us." 

"I think James is kind of weird, but in a cool way." 

"We don't him well, AJ. His methods are.. Pretty uncommon." 

AJ grabbed his knife and we went outside. Everyone were already there. I took my bow from Violet and we headed outside the gate. 

 

The morning was rather foggy and warm, the air felt didn't feel fresh. We walked, keeping silence, carefully examining the surroundings. On the way, we saw a raider carriage, which we managed to incite. There were a lots of people walkers mobbing around, but James insisted that we just go by.

 

About half an hour it took us to get to the river. Stopping in the bushes, James crouched.

"this is it." he said. I squatted next to him. 

"We better split up, to get better view." I suggested. Vi and AJ parted on different sides, hiding in the bushes. 

I looked at James. What's he thinking? Is something wrong?

"James, what's up?" 

"you guys know what you're getting yourselves into?" there was something intimidating in his voice. 

"it's the only thing we can do. Our friends are out there, we can't just leave them." 

"people in these communities are.. Not okay. That's why I escaped mine. Leaders make others do what they want, and if they don't, they get killed. Easily. They won't be asking. And they won't mercy you if you get caught." 

"I know that. That's why we need the best plan we can come up with." I took the binoculars out of the bag, "we've already lost too many." 

 

The ship was much poorer and smaller than I thought. However, it seemed to have enough of people to defend it. 

Briefly, I noticed Louis. He was led across the hold with his hands tied. The rest weren't anywhere to be seen.  
I lowered the binoculars and sneaked over to AJ. 

"seen anything?" 

"they got horses, lots of hay," boy pointed in the direction of small construction with some movement happening next to it. I watched again to make sure. 

"they also have torches. Could be an easy fire. Scare the horses, too." 

"yeah," 

Next, I moved to check on Violet. 

"it seems like there are two entries. The main one, and a closed one. Though, it seems like there's a hole to crawl through on the above." she whispered as soon as I came close enough. 

I squatted down, bringing up the binoculars to my eyes. 

"a lot of stuff in there. Maybe we can sneak unnoticed." I say.

"it's still too risky. Raiders will notice something moving, and they'll shoot." 

"not if there's too much movement to notice us." 

"what do you mean?" Violet raises her eyebrow. 

"James. He brought the walkers to save me and AJ. Maybe we can convince him to do this again." 

 

Having gathered together in the group, we moved a little deeper into the forest. 

"so what's our plan exactly?" Violet stops. 

"We've got an entrance that we need to sneek in. We can light up the hay, that will scare away the horses, and raiders won't be able to chase us when we escape. But we need a bigger distraction." I glanced at James. 

"Clementine, can I ask you-" 

"Quiet!" Violet hushed, so everyone lowered down to the ground. Right ahead of us was a girl, she was chopping the woods. I pulled out a knife, shortening the distance between us. 

"Drop it." I siezed her from behind, holding the blade up to her throat, "where do you keep the prisoners?" 

"what? I don't know what you're-" 

"I'm not fucking around! Tell me," I slightly incised her skin. 

"the boiler deck, it's the second deck. They're all there," 

"Clem, wait," Violet came very close when I let the red-haired girl let go of my hands, "it's Minnie." 

 

Something twisted in my stomach. Shit. 

They greeted each other with a hug, as James and AJ came up to us as well. 

"I didn't think you survived. Heard they burned half the school down. Is Ten ok?" 

"he made it. Others didn't. Mitch is dead, and Brody.. Didn't make it." Violet uttered. 

"and you're Clementine, the new leader that took over after Marlon's death." Minerva was now addressing to me. 

"yes, I did, " I took a step forward, confronting her. A strong dislike for her settled in me awhile ago, even before I could see her face-to-face. I would never tell Violet about it, but that's just how it is. 

"so you're the one responsible for Marlon's death! You messed up the whole plan!" she hissed. 

"he got what he deserved after killing Brody. All I was trying to do is to protect this school from YOUR friends." 

"I don't believe you. The raiders were supposed to come and take others to our community. There should've been no fighting! It all could work just fine with Marlon, but not you!" 

"that's enough of it," Violet stepped in, "Marlon did kill Brody when she tried to us the truth. He just traded you, Minerva, and you say it's a good thing? We thought you and Sophie were dead!" 

Minerva guiltily lowered her eyes, "Sophie is dead. She died, protecting the Delta. Like a real hero." 

"Minerva!" 

"hide, now!" she commanded. I slid behind the first tree I saw. 

"You better finish your job before it gets dark!" same woman yelled.

"Yes, ma'am." Minerva peeked at me, grabbing her axe, "The only way you gonna save your people is to let us take them." she threw, before walking off. 

"are you OK?" I asked Violet, leaving my cover. 

"nothing's changed. We're getting our friends back." 

 

I really want to believe that, Violet... 

 

* * *


	5. Purple Glow

CHAPTER FIVE

* * *

 

"Clementine? I need to show something to you."

On the half way to school, we split. Violet had to go back to school and tell everyone about our plan. AJ and I followed James.

"what do you want to show me?" I asked him. He didn't answer right away. 

"you said you want my help moving walkers. Before I can decide, I want you to see them the way I do."

AJ looked at me, wondering, but I just shrugged. 

We followed him up to the big old barn. Another thing reminding me of the ranch. Only there's something off about this one..

He stopped in front of the entrance and took off his mask.

"I don't see walkers like many other people do. I used to kill them, lots, but now I don't."

I just stood there and listened, while AJ seemed more engaged with the place. He saw into the building, peering into each plank sticking out of the dilapidated wall. I bet he doesn't remember..

"I didn't want anymore blood on my hands, so I stopped killing. I believe that.. They didn't entirely became monsters. I think that there's something humanely inside of them. They're just unable to control themselves." he was crumpling up the mask in his hands, "Only some of us die these days. Others just turn. Not dead, not alive, but something in between."

"I wish I could belive that, James. But I can't see the inside of them when they're trying to kill me."

"put on the mask, and go inside. Try to walk with them. Do it, if you want my help. Just ring the bell and see. Tell me if it feels any different then." he extended the mask to me, walking back to the door. From inside I heard the characteristic sounds made by walkers - groans and squeaks. 

"But if there are walkers, that's not smart! Clem!" AJ grasped at my jacket, "Clem, don't go there!"

"if it gets bad in there, promise you'll come in and save me, ok?" I ask AJ. He looks worried as ever. 

"I always got your back." he says, as I put the mask on. It's stuffy and reminds me of a dry rubber.   
It becomes harder to breath, my heart pounds madly. 

Slowly, I open the heavy door and go inside. That's a lot of walkers, a whole herd. For a moment, I panic.

It better be worth it. 

With careful steps, I come closer and closer to the bell, looking around. One walker bumps into me, badly enough, that it makes everything inside me distort. 

But then it passes. I reach the bell and chime it. Walkers gather around me, their heads raised. Muddy watery eyes looking for something, I smell disgusting rotten flesh.

This time, I think, for once in my life, they're not violent. Not trying to kill me and not aggressive.

I know it's only because the mask covers my smell. You can hide from the predator as long as you like, but one day it will find you, smell you, and kill you without thinking. They have neither soul nor memory. Only hunger, and it can't be curbed.

Hastily, I left the barn, pulling off the mask on the way. My skin breathes again, I take a few deep breaths. 

"Clem!" AJ rushes over and hugs me tightly.

"I'm okay, you see? No bites." he really does examines me, with the most serious look on his face. 

"so.. How do you feel? Any different? Or do you still think they're just monsters?"

"James. I'm really sorry, but.. I can't lie to you. I still see them just as monsters and I can't change that. Lots of my people were killed by them. It will never be justified." 

His spirit drooped down, "I expected you to say that. That's what I would've said, too. But not anymore." 

"so are you gonna help us? Please, James?" I stepped closer to him. 

"a lot of walkers will be killed, I-I can't do that! They're peaceful, and people -" 

I can't believe that.. 

"so if you had to chose between a human life and a walker life, you would've chosen the dead? My friends are alive, James, not kind of or maybe alive. And they need help." 

He was tarrying in indecision, going back and forth. 

"I might be stubborn, but I'm not heartless. I'll help you." 

"thank you." 

"it'll take some time to lead the herd. But be ready by tomorrow night. I can't undo it." he put on his mask again. 

"We will." I said and we went back home. 

 

*

 

Back in the room, AJ sat down to paint.

When he finished, he immediately called me to see. He drew me and James. He was especially good at drawing my cap, always paid attention to it.

"that's so cool, AJ, soon you will be as good an artist as Ten." 

"m.. I don't know about that. He's so good." He put down the drawing and suddenly became gloomy.

"what's wrong?" I crouched in front of him, looking into his eyes. 

"I've been thinking a lot. I wish I didn't think so much, but I do.." 

"what are you thinking about?" 

"about you getting bit and turning into a monster." 

Wow. 

"who said I'm getting bit?" 

"you don't know when this can happen. I just thought.. What if James is right? And.. When you turn, it's still be you, but different?" 

"you didn't let that go, did you?" 

"but James said-" 

"AJ, James said lots of things. But most of them weren't making any sense. We've talked about this. If I get bit, what do you do?" 

"I.." he looked away. 

"you're gonna have to shoot me, AJ." I said, quieter than usual.

 

"No!" he jumped off the chair, "I can't shoot you, I can't!" 

"AJ," I crouched in front of him again, putting my hands on his shoulders, "you can't break you promises." 

"if you turn, I want you to bite me." 

It really surprised me, "fine. If that's how you want it, I will bite you, like, really hard." I tickled him. 

"Be serious, Clem!" he demanded through laughter. 

"hey. AJ, I need you to do this for me, okay? Please." I said quietly. His eyebrows bunched together, forming wrinkles on his forehead. 

Do I really want to do this to him? 

He frowned and ran out of the room, nearly knocking Violet down.

"woah, what's wrong with him?" she wondered. 

"he just.. Needs some space." 

"oh, alright. I.. Wanted to talk to you. About what happened with Minerva." 

"yes?" 

Vi went to the dresser near the window, leaning on it. 

"I didn't expect to see her again like this. I mean, it's been a year, dunno what I expected. She's clearly not the same person as I used to know. And I know she's gone like that, I just can't stop mourning her.." 

"I know it must be hard, but she's one of them now, Vi. We can't trust her." 

"I'm not planning to. It's just not easy to let go." she admitted. 

"she clearly didn't like me. I really did ruin her plan." I said with a faint grin. 

"what kind of plan was that? I would've never taken root in this commune. What was she thinking?"

"me neither. But because of me, she can take up arms against you all." 

"this is such bullshit. What you do is only right. With you we have a chance to save our friends. And I'm not gonna let her hurt you or AJ." 

"thank you, Vi." I smiled at her. 

"hey.. I.. Brought you something." From the back pocket she took out a badge, it represented a dark sky with bright stars, "so you never forget that night." 

"I never will." She unclasped off the pin and attached the trimming to my jacket. 

"you know, when you told me you have feelings for me, I was shocked, but then I started thinking. We Louis around, you chose me. At that moment, I wished to be more like him. He's kind of nice to be around, even if not for long. Not like me. " 

"but I'm standing here with you." 

She eyebrows slightly raised for a brief moment, you almost wouldn't notice it. It seems my words surprised her.

 

"yeah.. I almost forgot: Ruby's preparing a party downstairs. She asked if we can borrow that heater thing of yours?"

"yeah, sure." I grabbed the heater, still warm from being used before and gave it to Violet. 

 

At that second, the door opened and AJ turned up in the room, holding a large beach ball.

"catch it!" he shouted, tossing the toy into the air and straining it in my direction. I didn't have time to react and it got right into me.

"woah, where did you get this?" I asked. 

"it was just lying around. I made it full of air, it was disgusting, but now look at this thing!"

Taking the heater, Violet left the room. I threw the ball to AJ and he threw it to me, several times. Once again, having received the toy in hand, I dropped it on the ground and opened my arms for AJ, inviting him into a hug. He ran up and wrapped his arms around me.

"I love you, AJ, " 

"I love you too, Clem, " he said, tucking into my jacket. 

"hey, let's go. Looks like they need our help preparing the party." 

We went downstairs. As if sensing me, Ruby immediately turned in our direction.

 

"Clem!" she exclaimed, "I was waiting for you. Help me choose the candles? I was going back and forth between them. The green is calming, but the purple is nice, too"

"I think.. it should be purple. It was my dad's favorite color, and I like that, too." I said. Violet peeked at me and smiled. 

 

"We even got music." I noticed the turning-table. 

"yeah. I thought that we all need some spirit lifting, so that should do." 

"Clementine?" Omar suddenly appeared behind me, "can I show you something?" 

I followed him up on the second floor, to the main office. There were a lot of books lying around, he picked up one of them, wide and cumbersome, and handed it to me.

"I've found this. Thought it could be useful." I ran my eyes over the text and illustrations. Explosive devices, how to prepare explosives at home..

"it's the bomb." I state. 

"yeah. I guess I've found the way to prevent the raiders from coming after us." 

"you know how to do this?" 

"It contains quite detailed instructions. Seems like we have everything we need." 

I didn't expect this from Omar. All these days he barely spoke, and the most aggressive weapon he had in his hands was the spoon. Well, don't judge the book by its cover, as they say.

"I know what you're thinking. In any other situation, I wouldn't have resorted to this, but ... Looks like it's time to act quickly." 

"I really appreciate your help." 

"yeah. You, uh, go have fun. I'm not exactly a party person anyway." 

When I returned, everything was already decorated. Jazz music was playing and purple candles were burning, giving the atmosphere of intimacy and something romantically dreary.

AJ was dancing in the middle of the room, surrendering to the music and it was so damn amusing. Violet was standing in the corner, looking out the window. 

 

"Violet in a purple glow? Looks good." I said, coming closer.

This clearly embarrassed her, she couldn't hold back a smile, and so couldn't I. 

She shoved me softly, "shut up." 

"this place looks nice." 

"yeah, thank Ruby for the idea." 

"hey guys! How about some reading?" Ruby dragged a large dust box and placed it in the center of the room. We all sat around it, preparing to listen. 

"These are our files. Now I will read a few of them, and you try to guess who it is. I'll make sure to only read aloud people you know." 

During the game, I failed almost all of them. The descriptions of that time didn't fit the present at all, so I was surprised a lot, learning more about Ruby and Louis. I managed to "guess" only Violet's file.

As far as going through the folders, Ruby visibly wilted.

"I didn't realize how many of us we lost..." she sighed. "I mean, we weren't good people, but we didn't deserve being left out here like this." 

"do you guys remember that girl with colored braces?" Ten asked. 

"yeah. I used to make fun of her a lot because of that.." Violet said, "now I don't even understand why." 

For a second, so long that it seemed like a minute, everyone was silent.

"Violet, do you remember that song Minerva used to sing when we were scared?" Ruby asked. 

"yeah." 

"could you sing it for us? You have an amazing voice." Ten seeked. 

"okay.." 

Violet went to the center of the room. Because od candles, her skin has acquired a special purple hue. 

I smiled faintly, trying to cheer her up. She nodded to me in response. 

And then she sang. It was.. Special. Beautiful. What can just a song do? Enough to make your heart ache from sadness, languish from love. I didn't expect this from Violet. What a melodic surprise.

I kept watching her, unable to look away. Holding AJ close to me, I felt warm all over my body. Warm and thrill. 

It seems I have forgotten about this feeling.. For a while. I forgot what tenderness of love can be like... I guess I never knew it the way I do now.

And I.. I forgot what a truly painful loss is. These wounds never heal, but they dim.. 

And now I'm terrified. 

 

Never mind the darkness..   
Never mind the storm..   
Never mind the blood red moon..   
The night will be over soon..   
The night will be over soon..   
Brush away the sorrow..   
Brush away the tears..   
Sing away your heavy heart..   
The night will be over soon..   
The night will be over soon... 

 

* * *


	6. See You on The Other Side

CHAPTER SIX.

* * *

"the train. You always pick the train." 

"Maybe because this is where it all started?"

That voice. I haven't heard it in a while.

"what happened?" Lee asked.

I sat, hanging my feet of the train. Once again, I'm wearing those scuffed tights of dark color, torn on knees. Those same slippers and the same yellowed dress. 

He took a seat next to me.

I often see him in my dreams. As a sign. Guiding star pointing the way. Perhaps, even my conscience.

But the image gets more blurry with each time. I'm forgetting him.. His features. They're not as clear in my mind as they used to be. But I can still recall his voice, replaying it in my head, like it's real. 

"Lee, I don't know if what I'm doing is right.. So many people are depending on me.. I've been in groups before, but they all fell apart. This one is different. I like it, it almost feels like home.."

"oh, sweet pea, you know you always get like this before something big. But you're in my position now." he smoothed my back, "you know I was making it all up as I went?"

"it didn't look like it, I thought you always knew the right thing to do."

"I had to, with you being so little. I tried to do as many good and as less evil. There's no definite right or wrong, Clementine. It often happens that, by doing good to one, you do evil to another.. And that's the choice we have to make."

"I just want to save people I care about. Even if all the raiders get killed, I thinks it's the right thing to do. It's either us or them." 

"I believe you'll make the right choice. You'll give these boys hope. Imagine Louis' face when you'll come to rescue them. It's worth fighting for. You got your friends, and the girl who loves you." 

My heart shrunk. Desperately trying to suppress the lump in my throat, I turned away.

"I'll do my best." 

Lee got up and went to the other side of the wagon, looking at the trees and bushes flying by. They all looked the same, like an endless loop. 

"I was going to ask, how's that boy? It must be hard raising a kid in a world like this." 

"AJ's wonderful. He's becoming very smart for his age." 

"did you teach him to shoot yet?" 

"you have no idea, Lee," I couldn't take my eyes off him, so afraid that he would disappear. Tears welled up again, I got up and ran into his arms, "I miss you so much," 

"I'm always here when you need me. The world has to make a do with pretending." 

Leaning away, a bewildered smile froze on Lee's face. 

"just look at you. How grown up you are." 

"yeah," I looked at myself, barely believing it. I made it this far. Now I was only a little lower than him.

"I thought I told you to keep that short?" he ran his fingers across my small ponytail. 

"you have no idea how hard it is to find scissors these days." 

 

He was admiring me, I could tell that. It made the warmth spread throughout my body. 

 

"time to go, Clementine. You've got people that need you." 

Darkness floated along the walls, enveloping the wagon itself, me and Lee.

 

"I'll see you soon." 

 

* *

"Clem, wake up." 

My eyes seemed to be stuck together, I didn't feel rested at all, however, I obeyed.

"you were talking in your sleep. A nightmare again?" AJ was staring at me in concern. I sat up, 

"come here," 

He climbed onto the bed, so I could wrap my arm around him.

 

"I remember how I used to snuggle you when you were little, so you won't freeze. You were a very quiet baby." 

 

"you sound.. Kind of old." 

I chuckled, "yeah, sometimes I feel old myself.. You got your gun?" 

"yeah," 

"Ok. Then we're ready." 

Then there was a knock on the door. 

"yeah?" 

"can I talk to you for a second?" Violet loomed in. 

"make sure you get everything ready, ok?" I say to AJ, walking away. 

I shut the door behind me, leaning on it. 

"what's wrong?" I question. 

"it's nothing, I just wanted to speak to you in private." 

We went upstairs to the main office. Violet swung open the doors to the balcony, letting in the fresh night air. I followed her out and leaned on the carved rail. She took out two cigarettes and handed one to me.

"thanks." 

She lit it first, leaning towards me, touching our cigarettes' ends. Mine smoldered, I took a deep pull. 

 

"what a beautiful night. The sky seems so bottomless." I say. 

"yeah, it's stunning," I felt her gaze, focused on my face, "you know, I've been thinking all night.. And.. What happens if someone else gets caught while we're in there? What if it's you?" I glanced at Violet. The cigarette between her fingers became quite wee. 

She inhalled one last time, then rubbed the cigarette butt on the rail.

"I couldn't save Minnie or Lou, Aasim.. I..eh.." something in me sank in anticipation, "I really care about you, Clem.. If something happened to you because of me.. I can't lose you, too. I won't." 

Her eyes, like two large lakes, reflected the dim moon. I ... pulled her closer, kissing. All-consuming delight seized me. I felt the blood running through my veins, butterflies in my stomach, as if scared, rushed into flight. She was holding me, and I wanted to embosom her even more. Her burning neck under my fingers, and here I am myself thrown into a glow. I can't lose her, too. 

My breath tripped, as we pulled apart. 

"you better not disappear on me, okay?" she breathed. 

"I promise." 

On spur of moment, I hear barely distinguishable giggles. I turn, trying to see something in the dark office. AJ?

"what are you doing?" he asked.

"We're just. Breathing air. AJ, could you wait for me in the hall?" scanning me once again, he left.

"I think it's time for us to go." Violet said.

I throw a last glance at the horizon. The sun's not rising yet. 

"Yeah, moving out."

Gradually gathering around the yard, we went on the road. The whole forest seemed saturated with excitement, with future blood, and the air felt electrified, I sensed it in the pit of my stomach. I've imagined my death so many times, it feels more like a memory now. Like a movie I've watched hundreds of times and perfectly knew the ending of. 

The dark silhouette of the ship grew in the distance, we stopped.

"alright, we're here." Ruby informed, "gotta say, this thing doesn't look too good." Crouching, she viewed our target through the patterns of the bushes.

 

Listening, I picked up a whisper of foliage behind me. Having uncovered a knife, I began to peer. A nasty cold shiver swept through the whole body. It's.. James. 

"hi," he mumbled, coming up to us. He took off his mask, so everyone could see him better, "Clementine, can we talk for a minute?" 

I followed him a few steps, breaking away from the group, we disappeared behind a tree. Just a few meters away from us, the walkers were trailing in small groups.

"they're close." he stated.

"thanks for doing that, James." I hinted. 

"usually I don't like people, but your friends seem nice. Open-minded. I believe you can be too, someday." he inspected his mask, "whisperers were my family from young age. They taught me killing, and I killed people. Without thinking and without regret. One day, when a guy showed pity for the enemy, I.. I cut his throat."

 

"that.. Doesn't sound like you." 

 

"because it's not who I am anymore. I just wanted to warn you. Don't let AJ become a cold-blooded killer. Otherwise, he will never be the same again." 

"killing our enemies is what kept us alive, James. I can't teach him otherwise." 

He sighed, "if the story remains true, that's what gets him killed. I've seen this many times. I just want you to keep that in mind.. Come on, it's time." 

He put on a mask and we went back to the rest of the group with me following behind. One of the walkers, turning off the path, was heading straight towards us.

Violet briefly touched my fingers, staring at the ground. 

"I'll cut," AJ said, aiming for the walker, as Ruby knocked it down. Tenn, creasing, stepped away. 

"I know this might look gross, but.." I start. 

"it's our best chance." Violet interrupts, crouching down next to the walker. I already feel the smell. 

"you better wash yourselves when we get home." Ruby preaches, looking at us in disgust. 

"Ruby, horses are on you, remember?"

"yeah, I got it." 

Reluctantly, I smeared dark red mashed rotten guts on myself.

"I've got the bomb," said Violet, showing off Omar's invention. 

"okay, good. We're ready?" I ask. 

"yeah." AJ says. 

"let's go." 

Ruby darted forward first, trying to knock down as many torches as possible near the stable. Dry hay caught fire instantly, scaring the horses. The animals reared and then bettled off, hiding in the forest. 

People on the ship livened up. Heads peered out from behind the sides, guns and pistols loomed. Shooting began. 

I jumped forward, trying to stay behind walkers' backs. 

"Stay behind the walkers! Use them as shields!" I commanded. Avoiding bullets, I ran from one cover to another. The herd was getting smaller, walkers were methodically shot. 

 

I managed to get to the bridge unnoticed, almost catching a bullet a few times, Violet and AJ stuck straight behind me. Lurking behind the crates, we escaped the guard. There is no further road.

 

"We'll have to jump into the water." I say. Both nod to me in response.

And we jump. Cold water dramatically covered my body almost completely, I gasped for air. We moved along the bridge, leaving dirty-scarlet patterns on the water surface.

Having reached the end, I heard hurried steps somewhere up above. Diving under the bridge, we remained unnoticed. My limbs slowly but surely began to freeze.

On the other side of the bridge branch, I noticed a ladder. We all move there, but before I could climb up, something strong got a hold of my ankle. I fling, but the thing keeps dragging me down, now I'm fully under water. It's a walker, along with a whole bunch of them nearby. 

In a haste, I quickly lose precious oxygen, with all my strength trying to fight back.

With my free foot, I hit it on the elbow, from which the grip abruptly becomes wadded. I pop up, gasping for air. Violet pulls me to the surface. 

"fuck, are you okay?" she asks. 

"yeah, fine." 

We have to go a little more. Hiding behind the boxes, we successfully avoid the flashlights and, at last, get to the entrance.

While Violet and AJ are muddling with the door, I pull out the bow from behind my back and notice several zombies closing in in our direction.

I deal with the majority of them with the help of a bow, and finish off the last one with a knife to the head.

"Clem, it's open!" 

I whip inside. 

"what are we looking for?" she asks, holding the bomb carefully. 

"the boiler. That's where we gonna place the bomb. Everyone should be just above." 

For a while we freely overcome several premises. Then I notice the guard, he stands near the gateway. We hide, once again, I load the bow with an arrow.

Leaving him alive would be too dangerous, so I shoot the arrow right to his head. He crashes, senseless. Passing another door, we finally meet the boiler. This room feels especially warm. 

Approaching the huge construction, I open heavy round door. Violet hands me the bomb, which I place inside.

"make your daddy proud," I urge, shutting the door. 

Now we need to find them. 

 

As quietly as possible, we made our way to the second deck. All the rooms were surprisingly clean and almost empty, except for some boxes and crates. I doubt they got half as much as Lily tried to tell us. 

A sudden noise of someone talking made us press our heads down.

".. Did you see my brother there, small, scar-faced?..." 

"Minerva, we've already talked about this. You're family is here in delta, there's no room for anyone else." 

It's her. Talking to some black woman. 

"yes, ma'am." 

"of course she has to be the guard." Violet hisses. 

The woman leaves. I get another arrow. Half-seated, I start approaching her, inch by inch. My heart stopped, as if it had left my chest. 

In a matter of seconds, and she turns, aiming the crossbow at me.

"you! What the fuck are you doing here!?" 

"We came for our friends." 

"if you dragged my brother into this-" 

"he's fine. We left him on ground." I scorn, keeping the aim at her. 

"what do you think you're doing? It was all supposed to go well, I told you to stay still and quiet!" 

"it's not gonna work like this. we're not leaving without our friends." 

"then you'll end up in the cells, just like them." 

"just give them back and we won't bother you anymore." 

Her expression changed sharply. 

"fine. I'll keep a look out, but you better get them out fast!" 

What? Is she fucking with me?

 

I didn't take a chance to hesitate, rushing to the cells. 

"Clementine, you're here!" the guys noticed me immediately. Aasim and Willy here, but where's Louis? I whipped to another locked room. 

And saw him. He sat in the corner, huddled up, and head down. Something broke inside of me from such a look of Louis. He was always so lively and cheerful, he radiated energy. I have never seen him like this and surely didn't want to. 

I walked up to him, "Lou-" 

Something heavy hit me. I crashed to the ground, losing consciousness. 

 

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO? GET AWAY FROM ME!"

…

 

* *

It's unknown how much time has passed before I came to my senses. My head was buzzing terribly, and the place of impact was throbbing.

I took a look around. Louis was still in the same position. 

I got up and lightly touched his shoulder.

"Louis, it's me," to that he turned sharply, looking at me with dumbfounded eyes full of pain, his whole mouth was covered in blood.

His face broke into a grotesque smile, he threw himself into my hands, shaking uncontrollably. 

"what's wrong, what did they they do to you?" I already knew something was up, but couldn't put my finger on it. 

"Clem, don't, they... They caught his tongue out." Aasim said. 

It felt like being hit on the head a second time. I stared into his eyes, and he just silently burned me with them. 

"oh shit.. Louis.. They're.. gonna pay for what they did to you." 

I was freaked out and ... Furious. Bitterness feeding rage. 

What the fuck. 

I came closer to the bars. 

"AJ, you there?" I asked. His lush hairstyle appeared behind the shutters of the cage. A piece of wood plank covered most of him. 

Violet also appeared in my field of vision, and I felt a little easier. She looked lost. 

"I guess we're not leaving yet." she said. 

"I'm working on it." 

Crouching, I began to examine the bars. The shit's rusted through.. 

I reach for my pocket, but I don’t find a knife there. They must've taken it away.. 

"AJ, you still got your knife?" 

"they took away the big one, but I kept this." he slided me a sharp edge. 

I tried to pock the rotten spots. 

"whatever you're doing - stop. It's not worth it." That same woman hung over me. I got up heavily, sliding the weapon under the bed.

"is she awake?" is that a..? 

"yes, ma'am." 

Lilly. 

"I'll take it from here." she said, "Minerva, open the door." 

Holding me on aim, Minerva as told, letting Lilly in. I gave her a hateful look.

"Normally, I would've killed you. But you are valuable loot, Clementine. You managed to get on the ship, killing my most trained soldiers. If I come to Delta with that kind of prey, this hell of a mission might be worth it. We need people like you, Clementine. To win the war."

"your mission failed. I would never fight for you." She advanced to me, looking threatening. 

"who would've thought you'll turn out like this. But I knew you had potential." she sat down on the berth, "but thinking you could just sneak in and leave unnoticed was stupid of you. Although you almost did it. One good thing my father taught me is that actions have consequences, from a very young age. He hated waste. And no matter how many times he told me, I always forgot to press that switch. One time he de-energized our entire house, and made us sit in the dark. A lesson supported by example was a very effective way of teaching." 

 

"I hated your father since the day I saw him at the drugstore. When he wanted to kick Duck out."

"my father never cared about what other people think of him." She pulled out a pistol, stroking the barrel with her fingers. "let me tell you a story. Let's call it the 'parable of the two twins.' Once upon the time there were two girls. They've been taken from their home and brought to the new place to live. But the new place was a good place. One twin saw it as a home worth fighting for, and her tears dried. The other twin wasn't able to accept it, she settled the problem from scratch. One day she induced her sister to theft. They stole a boat and tried to escape. Of course, they didn't get far... What happened then, Minerva?"

"I.. I killed her."

"what?" Violet clung to the bars. 

"what the fuck?.." mouthed Aasim. 

"your own sister? Why would you do that?" Lily kept going, her speech sounded sarcastic, as if none of this was worth a penny in her mind.

"she was twisting my head with her lies. I had to prove my loyalty to place I call home, to survive." 

"FUCK survival, look at what you're DOING! What's that fucking survival for if you kill anyone in your way!" Violet's voice sounded hoarse and hysterical. 

"Dorian, get that loudmouth out of the cell." Lily demanded. With a flick of the hand, the woman opened the cage, pushing Violet out into the corridor. When she pressed her to the floor and took out the cleaver. I tried to dart off, but Minerva kept me on the mulk, ready to shoot an arrow at my head.

 

Dorian strived to keep her steady, but Violet continued spinning, not allowing any opportunity to aim. I noticed that AJ started slowly sneaking up on her from behind. Barely noticeably, I nodded to him. 

He threw himself on the woman's back, clutching his teeth in her ear. Blood splattered, covering Violet with spray.

"Little BASTARD!" She shoved him back, so that the blow fell on his head. 

"Don't touch him!" I yelled in distress. 

"motherfucker," Dorian kicked him in the stomach. 

"that's enough." By the order, Violet was again thrown into the cell. Lily got up and walked over to AJ.

"you seem too tough for such a little boy." 

"I'm not little. I killed Marlon, and I'm gonna kill you, too." He clenched his little fists, gawping at Lily, full of rage, he appeared ready to tear her apart. 

"so you did it? Hm. Maybe you should be the guy I'll be talking to." 

"AJ, don't talk to her," I said. 

"it's seems like Clementine really cares about you, doesn't she?" 

"I'm gonna kill you, I know I can do it!.." 

"let's have chat, just you and me. Upstairs." She opened the cage and pulled AJ outside, dragging him by the arm.

Before they even left, Minerva shut my cage, once again, aiming a crossbow at me. 

"don't you dare look at me like that!" she exclaimed. 

I didn't tell her a word. I could barely restrain the dander I had for her. I hated her, despised her and her actions with all my heart. Hated because she fooled us, because she was with them now, because she betrayed Violet like this.. 

"What are you doing, Minerva? How the hell did they brainwash you this much? YOU'RE GETTING ALL OF US KILLED, DON'T YOU GET IT?"

"I'm trying to save all of you! It's not a bad place, Violet!.." 

While Violet was entertaining her with chatter, I got to cutting the rusty parts of the grid. One piece dropped, then another, now I could stick my hand between the handrails and open the deadbolt.

 

I removed the latch. Rising to my feet, I took a few steps back, then rushed forward, busting the door out. I hit Minerva, and, taking advantage of the fact that she was on the ground, opened the cell for Violet.

Then she grabbed me, smashing on the floor and placing herself on my lap. From the sheath she took out a knife, and lifted it above me. I grabbed her hands, trying to prevent an attack, but the tip of the blade was already stuck in my chest.

"I told you to listen! I told you to stop fighting back, but you only destroy everything!" 

She is stronger than me, shit... I'm weakening. A little more and I can't ... 

"Violet..." I writhe out. 

Suddenly, a surge of blood spatters, from the right side of Minerva's chest shows the tip of an arrow.

Petrified, she drops down on me. I immediately shove her away and run off to the side, to the cage of Willy and Aasim.

"run, get out of here!" I order. 

"you better be right behind us," throws Aasim, dragging Louis out of the cage. 

But Violet wasn't hurrying. Catching Minerva's head, she sat with her on the floor.

"Violet, come on! Please," 

"I-I can't leave her! Go, I'll catch up!" 

Fuck, I can't waste any more time!

Rushing, I climb to the upper deck to get AJ.

 

"I know Clementine since the day it all started. She'll change her mind." I hear Lily say, as I sneak up on them behind the boxes.

"I've found someone else.." 

Something fell.. 

"a whisperer? No wonder there are so many walkers!" 

Fuck, they caught James.

"did you come up with it yourself, or was it Clementine's idea?" Lily went on. 

"I'm not afraid of you. You only scare people just because you're afraid yourself." says James. I take a peek from my cover, he's tied up and on the ground. 

"so you're not afraid to die either?" Lily gives a signal with her hand and an unfamiliar girl points the chase at him.

"No!" Tenn shows up from behind the control room, grabbing a spare pistol from the girl's pocket, aiming at her. "Don't hurt him! Just.. Don't hurt anyone!" he begs. 

"Tennessi, are you lost?" Lily closes in on him. "did you come here to kill me?" With her hands she puts his gun to her forehead, "then do it!" 

"Tenn, just shoot her!" AJ yells, but Tenn won't make a move. His hands are shaking, he starts crying, lowering the gun. 

"oh, I see, you came here to cry." she snuctches the weapon. 

Meanwhile, I accelerate and jump on Lily, knocking a gun out of her hands. James kicks her partner down. 

With a deft movement, she throws me off, so I hit my back heavily. I see everything floating in front of my eyes. Blood still trickles from my chest, smearing my clothes.

Smashing me against the wall, Lily squeezes my throat. I dig my fingers into her eyes, kicking her to the knees. A knife falls out of her pocket, as we both crash on the ground. I didn't manage to grasp at it, as she drags me to the edge of the ship. 

"you should've just given up.." she puffs, "FUCK!" AJ jabs her into the knee, I press on the knife with my foot, so it twists. She collapses. 

Raising her head, she realizes that AJ is holding her on the aim.

"AJ, please.. I'm giving up. Don't shoot, we'll go away and you won't be seeing us ever again." Lily pleaded. But I wasn't at all feeling sorry for her. 

"Don't shoot, AJ, she no threat to us now." appeals James. 

"you didn't see what happened down there! She cut my friend's tongue out!" 

"Shoot her, so she won't hurt anyone again!" says Tenn.

Lastly, AJ looks at me. 

"Do it." I mutter. He immediately shoots, so Lily's face turns into a bloody mess. The same girl with a group of others appears on the deck.

"what have you done?.." she haws. 

Then the ship sways, a calm sky bursts into flare.

"AJ!" I rush to him, trying to cover him with my body.

Then it detonates... 

 

Bang.. Right?.. 

 

* * *


	7. Faded

CHAPTER SEVEN.

* * *

 

"dad! Keep pushing!" I laugh. He pushes me even harder, I fly higher, so that my breath is taken away, it becomes even more ticklish and fun. 

I fly up really high, then I turn my head and.. There's Lee. And the St John's Farm. Gold and rusty leaves rush on the ground, my long curly hair is tangled in the air. The swing stops, I find something painfully beloved in this leather dark jacket of his. 

"the dinner's ready, come on, Clem." Lee says, his voice is gravelly but soft. 

 

"Clem? Come on, sit with us." In a matter of a blink everything changes. As if the shots from a movie rush over me.

It's Kenny. And Luke. I'm back at that lodge, vast building, decorated for Christmas, the melody is tuning from the music player. 

Kenny looks at me with warmth and kindness, patting the bench next to him.

Who do I choose? I go and take a seat next to Kenny. I catch a glimpse of Luke's face, he looks heartsore.  
I just wish they didn't fight this much... 

 

"Clem, don't touch the food!" In front of me there is a plate with chops. Am I back at the farm? 

Something thuds down on the ground, everyone's panicking, Katja grabs Duck, just like I remembered it. Then I close my eyes again.. 

 

I need to wake up.. 

 

"I know you're out there. Alvin, Rebecca, and the girl. This is real simple-" 

 

".. We're more alike than you think.." 

 

"you don't need to see this.." 

 

".. what's the most important thing in this world?" 

 

"you think just because you're a little girl, you can get people killed and no one would care!-" 

 

"little shit.." 

 

"I miss you so much.." 

 

 

"I.. I trust you..."

 

 

"it's a boy.. " 

 

"he saw a picture of me.." 

 

"keep that hair short.." 

 

"I'm so sorry..." 

 

"thanks for saving my life.." 

 

 

"I love you, Clem.." 

 

 

"I really care about you, Clem.." 

 

The voices keep echoing in my head. Pieces of memories turned into ashes, fading away through my fingers. 

And then this sound. Ultra sound. So sharp and thin, it cuts my ears. It seems that it's gonna reach its peak, but it's not happening. It hurts. I can't see anything.

 

* * *

 

"Clem... Clem!" The sound floats, it's like I'm underwater. 

He.. Shakes me. AJ shakes me. 

"Clementine, please, wake up!." his voice quakes. 

"A.." my head is buzzing, as if someone is hitting it with a hammer. Amplified throb won't unwind.

"Clem!" someone grabs him, pulling back. 

"wait.. Don't.. Touch him.." With all my strength, I'm trying to get up. Ache in the back is sharper than I expected. 

"Don't... Touch him.." Not far from me I see a gun. I barely get to my feet, walk up and claw it, shooting at the head of the girl that captured AJ.

She falls. 

"Clem!" exclaimed AJ, running up to me. He wrapped his hands around me, nuzzling. 

 

"are you okay..?" I ask, "wait a sec." I lower myself to the ground. My head won't stop spinning. 

"what's wrong? Clem?" he squatted down next to me. 

Gray smoke from the ship contrasts with the dark night sky, fragments are everywhere. 

"Clementine," James hurries over to me, "are you hurt?" 

"I guess, I.. My head hurts." 

"You have a wound on your cheek, probably hit a shard. Come on, we gotta get out of here." 

"where are others?" I ask, raising to my feet. 

"I told Tennessee to run. I didn't see the rest." 

Standing, a take a look around. "where's everyone? The raiders?" 

"We better not find out." James says. 

Hurriedly, but as quietly as possible, we descended to the lower deck.

"everything is ripped apart.." AJ notices as we move by. 

 

That very place where everyone were kept captive.. A large proportion of it turned into debris, even the metal bars tilted a bit. As we were going through, the floor in some places continued to break, squeak and sag. There was a pool of blood on the floor near the cell. Minerva?

Deep down, I desperately wanted her to not survive the explosion. 

Violet.. I hope she's okay.. 

Raiders seemed to disappear into the air, leaving us to die here. 

Almost at the very exit, finally, we were met by walkers. Two of them, unknowingly dangling around the dark hold. Bulbs have exploded, the light seeped only through the holes in the walls.

AJ runs ahead of us, knocking one walker down and putting a knife to his head. He does the same thing with the second one. 

I notice how James turned away, lowering his eyes.  
My conscience pricked me. I'm Sorry, James, we couldn't do it any other way.. 

The unrest inside me is growing like a snowball. Where are they?

Opening a heavy door, we make our way outside. 

 

Near the bridge hangs a couple of walkers. James pulls out a mask.

"I'll lead them away, so you can sneak past them." he says. 

"you're not going with us?" I wonder. 

"no, I need some private time. I'll see soon, Clementine." 

With his characteristic gait, he goes to the walkers, then leads them into the forest. 

Grass nearby is still burning, some trees also caught a flame.

I cross the bridge and find myself on land. 

In a second, I bounce off in horror, almost getting shot in the leg. The earth shattered to the sides, taking in a bullet.

"fuck! Come on," I grab AJ's hand, we run into the forest, hiding behind the trees.

 

I stop, trying to equalize my breath. 

"Clem, look!" he says, pointing forward. Silhouettes. It must be them. 

Before I could even think, AJ yelled, "we're here, TURN AROUND!" 

The group of people immediately stops. One of the figures begins to approach us more swiftly, my heart stops, I reach for the knife.

It's.. Violet. I push the knife back, hurrying up to her. I can tell she's smiling. 

"oh my God," she wraps her arms around my neck, "I thought I lost you.." she mutters in a raspy voice. 

"I thought the same thing.." I breathe very close to her. 

I feel completely broken, but alive. Alive again, my heart is beating. She is alright. AJ is fine. I didn't lose them.

"Clementine! You're alright!" Ruby takes the privilege away from Violet, hugging me, "And the boy!" 

 

AJ smiles widely, as everyone approach us. Tenn, too. 

"you were really brave. I'm glad you're okay." Tenn told him, and I'm pretty sure that AJ is proud as hell about that. 

 

"where are Louis, Aasim and Willy?" I ask, freeing myself from Ruby. 

Her face changes dramatically. 

"Louis tried to run off into the woods, the second we stepped on the ground. They went after him." 

"what?" 

Ruby just shrugged, "Violet told me what happened. And when I saw his face, that's.. Not easy. We better go now." 

 

We walked home in silence. The one in which people who don't know each other at all walk.

Omar met us at the gate. His face shone when he saw us almost at full composition.

"you're back, oh, thank God. I was on my nerves the whole time." 

"we're good, Omar," Violet said, walking by. 

A fire was set up in the courtyard, and a cast-iron cauldron was heated on it. I instantly felt warmer. The gates shut, and I felt safe.

"I got some water from the river so you can wash yourself." he informed. 

"thank you so much, Omar, it could really help right now." I said and he smiled at me. 

 

Leaving the rest at the conversation, I went to the fire, Violet was already there. 

Rubbing my hands, I tried to keep warm. At one glance at the fire, my cheeks seemed to flare.

"walking in cold water didn't do us any good," I said. 

"yeah." 

"AJ, come here," I called. He immediately ran to me. He was noticeably tired. His eyelids were slightly lower than usual, and he often yawned, "try to get warmer." 

"are we gonna wash?" he asked. 

"yeah, we are."

"awesome."

 

Spilling water into buckets, we brought them to the school, to the formerly functioning shower rooms.

"I want to go separately." declared AJ as we were done with the water. 

"sure you can handle it?" I asked. 

"yep." 

Ruby brought us old towels and clothes. The beauty of this place was that there were a lot of things left from the people who lived here.

Me and Violet went to the same room. It had discreet stalls, plenty of sinks.  
Rust took possession of this place, moss and mold patterns loomed on the ceiling and walls.

Taking towels, we went to the stalls. With the doors closed, they were rather dark; the candle lit only a small part of the room in the far corner. I undressed, feeling chill on my skin.

Scooping water in the palm of my hand, I poured it all over myself, washing off the dirt. Water splashed loudly on the tile floor. Such warm, almost hot, it felt quite pleasant to the body and and had a relaxing impact.

I was a little nervous because of the fact that Violet was right behind the wall. Just a few meters away from me and...

I tried to clean up as fast as I could, just to put on new clean clothes. My whole body was sore and needed rest. 

A big black hoodie and camouflage jeans became my new look. I liked it, they were much cleaner and nicer.

I walked over and sat on the window sill, waiting for Violet. Few minutes later she showed up, wearing dark-purple hoodie with the zip and some dark grey pants.

She came to the window, breathing in the fresh air. Water droplets were falling from her hair onto the neck, rolling down under the hoodie. They looked like small crystals, reflecting the light of the moon.

"it feels so nice.." she murmured, "wanna sneak a smoke?" 

"I need to check on AJ first. I'll join you in a few." 

"fine," Taking her dirty vest, she took a pack out of her pocket. I went out into the corridor and knocked on the adjacent door. 

"AJ? you okay?" 

Some kind of stirring. Nothing else. 

"AJ?" I called again. 

"yeah? I'm.. I'm good, I'm almost done. Wait up, " 

He rustled a little more and then came out. 

"look at you all cleaned up," I said. 

"it's nice to feel this clean, I'm just not used to it." 

"yeah, me too. Not anymore." 

"Clem, I wanted to ask you.. Can I spend the night at Tenn's? Please?" 

"oh, aren't you too young for sleepovers?" I leaned toward him slightly.

"please? We'll be really quiet?" 

"hmm. Okay, kiddo, you can come. But behave yourself, cool? And get at least SOME rest." 

"sure! Thank you," he hugged me briefly, taking off. I returned to Violet. 

"is he alright?" she asked. 

"yeah. He'll stay at Tenn's today." 

"oh." she inhaled the smoke. I took another cigarette from the package, lighting it off the candle. 

I stared at the dark tops of the trees. They leaned languidly from side to side under the winds.

"can I stay at your room tonight?" I asked. 

"yes, of course you can. I'll.. Be glad." 

I ran my fingers over her free hand, "Violet.." 

"hm?" our eyes met. It's.. Intense. 

"I'm glad you're okay. When you.. Rushed to Minerva, and then explosion came, I thought you didn't manage to escape." 

She jaded, lowering her head, "I left her there." 

I was silent, afraid to interrupt her. Afraid to hear something I don't want to hear at all.

"she kept saying all those things.. About you, and.. Everything. I still felt bad and guilty, but she fooled us, we almost died. So I left her there." 

"I'm sorry that it had to happen this way." 

"I used to have feelings for her. Even in that moment, I still did. But she tried to kill you, I couldn't ignore that." 

"Vi.." I turned her to face me, leaving a kiss on her cold lips. 

"Clem. I'm really glad I met you." 

 

"me too." 

 

She draped herself on the windowsill. It was long, but thin. The window itself was unusually large for a bathroom. 

"the moon is so beautiful.." I breathe out. 

"yeah.." sighed Violet, patiently examining me with her eyes. My cheeks seemed to be burning, I was tense when she looked at me like that. It wasn't a bad tension though, but very.. Unusual. 

 

I put out a cigarette and lazily took her hand, "come on, I can barely stand on my feet." 

 

The whole room was flooded with the moon light of, the foliage cast fancy shadows, dancing on the floor.

After taking off our shoes, Violet was the first to hop into bed, I followed. As soon as I laid, she nestled up to me, breathing into my neck. 

Something tickled in my stomach. I turned, linking our lips. Her breath hitched. 

I want to dissolve in her, drown. Her hand slid over to my lower back, sneaked under my hoodie.

"Vi," I breathed. 

"huh?" she stopped, looking at me, flurried. 

I don't know what I wanted to say, it just felt right, saying her name out loud. 

I pulled her back in a kiss, it was more eager than before.

When she got down to my neck, I shivered. Shy moan escaped my lips, I blushed immediately. 

I craved her, but wouldn't admit that even to myself. All of it felt special - her lips, her skin, her smell, everything. 

My body itself was bending, lingering for her. All my insides rebelled, the blood ran and pounded in the vessels.

 

"I.." I whispered into her ear. 

She kissed my lips for the last time, then stared into my eyes. Her skin seemed silver in such lightening. 

 

"let's get some sleep, okay?" she breathed. 

".. Yeah, okay.." 

I turned on my side, facing her, pressing our foreheads together. Before I even knew, I fell alseep.

It felt almost too safe. 

 

* * *

I don't think I've ever been this fast asleep. When I opened my eyes, the room was already filled with light. The sun shone dimly, looking turbid through the haze.

Violet wasn't in the bed, I found her sitting on the chair, sharpening her hatchet. 

I yawned, stretching. She turned back. 

"morning," I murmured. 

"hi," she appeared to be perplexed about something. 

"what's wrong?" 

"I can't stop thinking about Louis. He's been on my mind the entire night. How could he just dissappear on us like that?" 

"well, he's got it rough.. It must be terrible." 

"yeah, I know. But I just can't stop thinking about it." 

I rise from the bed, instantly feeling faint. In order not to fall, I grab the stairs to the second tier. 

Woah.. 

Violet upspringed, "woah, are you okay? What the fuck?" 

"it's nothing, I've just been feeling weird after the explosion. Guess I hit my head." 

"that can't be a good thing, Clem." she touched the scratch on my cheek lightly. 

"there's nothing we can do about it. I'll be fine."

As soon as my head stopped spinning, we both went out into the corridor, heading into the courtyard.

 

The morning was surprisingly warm and pleasant. Outside, we met Ruby, who was carrying some pots to a greenhouse.

"oh, hey, you! Hope you slept well?" she asked. 

"pretty much." 

"you definitely overslept your turn to patrol, but I thought I'd give you a pass on that one." she said, chuckling. 

I looked at the wooden structure near the gate. Tenn and AJ and Tenn were on guard. He waved happily when he noticed me, I did the same. 

The creaking of the gate interrupted our morning discussion.  
We all turned around at once. Aasim, Willy, and, last of all, Louis, entered the territory.

 

Violet and I instantly left the place. I threw myself into Louis' arms, at that very second, as if a stone had fallen off my chest.

He hugged me back, his jacket smelled strongly of bonfire, dry leaves were tangled in his dreds. 

"We were so worried about you," Violet said. 

 

"We had to spend the in a shack, he refused to come to school once we caught up with him," Aasim informed. 

"I've lost almost all of my arrows, trying to fight off walkers," said Willy. 

"is everything good in here?" Aasim asked, looking at us. 

"it's pretty much the same. We were lucky to come back in one piece." Ruby said. 

"Louis!" AJ almost fell of the turret. He also embraced the tired, slightly lost Louis.

"We seriously need some rest, guys. He does, too." Aasim nodded at Louis. 

I tried not to be terrified, to lower my eyes and just ignore what happened, but I couldn't . He seemed to attract me, I couldn't accept the fact that I won't ever hear his jokes, his singing again. 

 

I took Louis to his old room. Violet decided that we better talk alone.

He sat on the bed and stared at his hands. Dried blood still glistened on his chin.

I went for a bottle of water and a piece of cloth. My heart was restless, so I hurried.

When I entered the room again, he only briefly looked at me.

"I brought something so we can clean that up." I said, drenching the cloth. 

When I touched his skin, he slightly crimpled his nose from the coldness.

With smooth movements, I cleared his face from the dark scarlet spots. 

"all done,"

He barely smiled at me. 

I put the fabric aside, still squatting in front of him. What should I do? What to say? That I didn't try enough to save him?

"I.. I'm so sorry about what happened, Louis.." Unexpectedly, my voice trembled, "I tried to save you, but, I guess, that wasn't enough.. We came as fast as we could, but.. I know I can't fix that, and I'm so sorry, Louis. I wish I could hear your voice again. I'm sorry." I tried to say something solid that would help the cause. But the words were powerless.

He stood up, heading for the desk. Bending over, he quickly wrote something on a piece of paper, then handed it to me. 

'none of this is your fault' it said. 

"you're just trying to make me feel better."

He took away the paper and wrote on it again. 

'you saved everyone. I'm not dead'

"I know you're not." I sank to the ground, lowering my hand with the note.

He sat down next to me, wrapping both arms around my body. His embraces were wary, as if he was afraid to cross the line.

He knows?

Taking a piece of paper from me, he wrote

'I need some rest'

"okay, I'll.. Leave you to yourself." I got up and left the room. 

I hardly noticed how I automatically went up to the second floor and to the main office. Of course Violet was there.

She was smoking, placing one foot on the desk, looking outside through the open balcony doors and seemed not to notice my presence.

When I came closer, she turned sharply,

"Clem," her face as if relaxed a little.

"taking the tension off?"

"yeah. How's Louis?"

"pretty shitty." I sat on the table facing her.

"well, we couldn't have expected it to be better. He lost his fucking tongue."

"I know we did as much as we could, but it still feels horrible. Like we could've done something more and we didn't."

"We came to the rescue as fast as we could. I thought he'd be better than that. Losing his tongue over something so stupid? Don't mean to say he brought this on himself, but they're sick people, no wonder they did that."

"what are we gonna do now?"

Violet threw up her hands, "not much we can do now. I just hope we won't be getting any more trouble soon."

"it felt really weird when me and AJ were escaping the ship. It had almost no raiders left. Did they just run?"

"they could, bunch of cowards."

"there were so many of them, and now they're gone? This can't be good. They couldn't just dissolve into a thin air, what if they're around here somewhere?"

"We gotta be more careful. What else could they want from us? Continuing this war is just pointless, they better run if they want to save their asses." 

"expect the unexpected. Can't be too careful these days." 

Violet focused on something outside the window.

The air entering the room is getting cooler every day. Winter will come soon. This time has never been easy, it becomes more difficult to get through it every year.

 

"AJ really likes to patrol." she said with a small smile. So that's what she was looking at.

"I guess he likes whatever with Tenn. I'm glad they're getting along."

"yeah, me too. You know, Tenn was very sad the last time, before you came. He was always modest, but... What happened to the twins hurt him, no matter how hard he tried to deny it. He tried not to grieve, it's probably right at some point, but it doesn't make it easier. Your heart just won't let go. You'd be glad, but.. No. Like a dead weight. But when you two came.. He brightened up. He wasn't the only one." she ogled me, "you wanna go check the traps with me?"

"yeah, sure." 

 

Meanwhile, dark dim clouds were gathering in the sky.

 

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked the chapter, you can support me by leaving kudos, it really means a lot.
> 
> Xx


	8. Loaded Gun

CHAPTER EIGHT.

 

* * *

 

Have you ever had to kill someone you love?

What if it's someone who loves you?

What if you can't help it? 

It's so hard to forget, and.. Forgive. 

 

In fact, you can't. It always remains with you. In your darkest days it comes back. Every loss you have suffered, every shot of pain that spreads instantly. When the heartache is so strong that it becomes a physical ailment. 

When you can't stop the tears, they pour out of emptiness, because you feel dead inside, hollow. You can't be cured of loss when another one comes immediately after. 

 

I died as many times as people that I loved   
did. It would seem that it should become easier, but it didn't. 

All the same pain, all the same bleeding wound.

It's like a part of you leaves with them. Again, and again, until there's no more of you left. 

Even if you're alone. All you do, is drowning in sorrow and pain. Guilt. It never stops. 

Does it? 

 

* * 

Because of the clouds the sky seemed hefty and heavy.

Somewhere above the clouds it thundered, as if giants were hauling iron around.

"I don't like that sound," AJ said, "I can't see where it's coming from." 

I looked up at the sky, "from everywhere, kind of." 

"why do thunders happen?" he asked. 

"it's like an.. Explosion in the sky. It happens when two electrical discharges meet." 

"how's there electricity in the sky?" 

"Electrification is everywhere, just sometimes it becomes redundant." Violet joined the conversation. 

AJ glanced at her, frowning, "that sounds.. Difficult." 

"it is, at some point. Even I don't know a lot of things about it." I said, "I remember studying weather at school, but it was so long ago." 

"yeah, I don't remember shit." chuckled Violet. 

"what is school like?" AJ kept questioning. 

"it sucks." Violet answered first, "I hated the school I was in, back in my town." 

"why is that?" I asked. 

"I was always a loner, didn't have that many friends, if at all. Kids would make fun of me sometimes. Plus I didn't like the teachers. They all were just a bunch of assholes." 

"I guess I was too young to notice if anything was wrong with the teachers. I got along with some of my classmates, but it wasn't that big of deal. I liked spending time on my own. I remember my babysitter best of all, Sandra. We weren't friends, she was too old for me. I just liked watching her as someone from the other world, you know. The world of adults."

"why would need a babysitter?" AJ asked. 

"she was looking after me when my parents left for Savannah. Just before everything started." 

Soon we came to a section of forest filled with traps. Nearby, there was a river and a fishing lodge, which we were going to visit later.

Trap after trap, we didn't come across almost anything. Only one trap got a completely emaciated rabbit in it.

"this one seems worthless. " muttered Violet, freeing the trap from the corpse. 

"Mayne we'll have better luck on the river." I suggested. 

We came to the shore, and to our surprise, several fish were dangling in the nets.

 

I started to get the catch out and putting it in my bag, AJ was sitting next to me and watching. Violet went to check the lodge.

 

When I was almost done with work, there was a noise in the house, something crashed loudly to the floor.

AJ jumped up, pulling out a gun. 

"fuck, what the.." I heard Violet say. 

With knife in one hand, I came up to the door, trying to open it slowly. 

Is it.. Closed? 

"Violet? What's wrong?" I asked through the door. 

"it's nothing, I'll be out in the second," she answered, stammering a little. 

Steps, rustling, as if something was moving and shifting. Then the latch click, Violet opened the door. She looked somewhat agitated.

"what happened in there?" I hid the knife. 

"there was a creepy looking cat, I have no idea where it came from." she explained. 

"can I look at the cat?" AJ interfered. 

"no, what if it's got rabies? I wouldn't be surprised if it does." 

"let's just get the fish and leave, it's gonna rain soon."

I put my hand palm up. Small droplets started pounding on the skin.

"yeah." 

 

* *

 

We were returning in a hurry, however, still managed to get a little wet.

"hope you didn't get your asses too wet, since we don't have any meds. Found anything?" asked Ruby as we entered the school. 

"some fish, not much." I showed her the bag.

"We can't make fire anyway, I'll try to find something edible in the kitchen."

Me and AJ went to our room. He ran in first, immediately flopping down at the table to draw.

"hey, not so fast. Give me your coat, it's wet."

"oh, fine." He pulled off his jacket and handed it to me, it was hard and cold. 

I put it on the top tier of the bed, the one without a mattress.

"so how was your night with Tenn?" I asked, lighting up the heater. 

"it was.. cool, I really liked it. He told me so many interesting stuff." 

"like what?" 

"Clem!" 

I smiled condescendingly, rolling my eyes, "fine, keep your secrets. You want something to eat?" 

"yes, I'm starving!" he grabbed his tummy. 

"I'll go grab you something from the kitchen on my way back, okay? Gotta do something first." 

"yes, I'll finish my drawing until then." 

 

I went out into the corridor. This place has never been very nice, rather obscure and frightening. But now it appeared even more unpleasant. Your imagination can play evil jokes with you in the dark.

There was some strange feeling of emptiness in the stomach, mixed with disturbance. I headed for Louis's room. 

Coming up, I knocked.

Nothing.

I knocked again.

Steps, coming closer.

"hi.." I said as Louis opened the door.

He smiled weakly.

"I just wanted to check on you.. Do you want anything?"

He shook his head no.

"do you want me to come in?"

Not giving a single sign, he went to the table and took a piece of paper with a pencil.

He wrote 'I'm sorry, I just want to be left alone.'

My heart sank.

"can you at least give me a hug?.." I asked, my voice was unusually wheezing.

He let me in his arms, pressing me closer.

"I'm so sorry. .." I breathed. He only held me tighter.

We stayed like this for a while, as we both felt it. Both felt like we're losing each other.

At the same moment he grabbed my face and pressed his lips to mine. For a second I froze, not realizing that this was really happening, then swiftly pulled away from him.

 

Glouting at him, I was having mixed feelings. Whether it was irritation, venom, or confusion - I can't say for sure.

He lowered his eyes, not daring to look at me. His face took on an expression of deep thought and perhaps pudency.

"Louis, I.. I'm sorry, but I can't do that. I don't share the same feelings.." 

Clutching his lips together, he tried to smile. Taking a piece of paper from his pocket, he wrote: 'I'm so sorry, too'

I turned and left the room. The door clicked behind me.

What was he thinking? I feel quilty even though I didn't do anything. As if I .. betrayed her? But that's not what happened, he himself wanted to kiss me.. So he has feelings for me.

I didn’t like to even think about it. I tried to forget about what happened, but this feeling won't go away. 

On the way back I went into the kitchen. Omar was also there, meticulously looking through boxes, cabinets, cupboards for food.

"We got anything left?" I asked. It seems he didn't expect to see me, so he flinched.

"oh my God, Clementine.. You scared me. yeah, absolutely.. but this is only semi-finished products. No normal food. But take a look, whatever you find is yours."

"I guess I'll use whatever."

From the first available shelf I took a jar of canned porridge with lots of Chinese characters on the package, the spoon, and went back t AJ.

When he saw me, he pushed back the piece of paper and reached for the jar. I snuck a peak at the drawing. 

Me and Violet were pictured on it.. Kissing.

I looked at AJ inquiringly.

He was immediately embarrassed, taking up the jar from my hands. 

"AJ, what's that?" I asked.

"a drawing."

"I can see that. When did you see this? Were you peeking on us?"

"I was just.. Wondering. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done it.. But I didn't interrupt or anything. I'm sorry."

I shook my head, "spying on people is wrong, you know?"

"yeah, I know, but I couldn't help it. I didn't see people do things like these before." He shoved a spoonful of porridge into his mouth and smiled guiltily.

"You want to talk about it?" I squatted before him.

He shrugged, "I guess? I just wanna know what's that about." he put the food on the desk. 

"okay.. Um.. when you really care about someone, you usually show that to them, right? How?"

"well, I, I tell them. And I hug them. Not everyone though." 

"yes. You hug them to show that. You can also show by kissing." 

"so you can kiss anyone?" 

"not exactly. You need to have this special bond with a person. You'll know that feeling when it comes. For now you're too small. " 

"no, I'm not." 

"yes, you are." I stood up and pecked him on the forehead. At first he got surprised, looking at me with wide eyes, but then smiled.

"I love you, kiddo." I said.

"I love you, too, Clem," He said, taking up the porridge again.

Periodic pains in the head didn't stop bothering me. A strong pulsation was accompanied by a clouding of consciousness. I could only hope that it would pass soon.

I took off my cap, hanging it on the bed's back-rest. 

Head down on the pillow for a couple of minutes, I turned off. Rain was so monotonously pounding on the glass.. 

 

Water.. The room is filling up with water and I see Louis. He's in his room. In horror, he runs to the door and frantically pulls the handle over and over again. It's closed. Liquid flows from everywhere. It's dirty, almost black. It interspaces the room with enviable speed.

It absorbs Louis' entire body, he's trying to keep his head afloat, struggling. The water level only gets higher. He grabs his throat, choking, and screaming silently, as water fills his lungs. 

 

I open my eyes. It's just a dream. It's still raining. 

I didn't immediately hear a knock on the door.

"yeah, come in," I croaked. 

Violet entered the room, carefully closing the door behind her. 

"hi," she said, coming up. 

"hi.." I sat up, squinting my eyes from the headache. 

"what's wrong?" she sits down next to me, placing her hand above mine. 

"I just had a weird dream again.. It's messing with my head." 

"you should be moving less. I think you got a concussion.." she touched my forehead lightly, "and you're hot." 

"I'm fine." 

"you can lie to yourself, but not to me. Because I can clearly see that you're not." 

"it's not like we got any medicine." 

"there should be something. If not, I'll at least ask Ruby for that tea."

I shook my head, "you won't let it go that easy, will you?" 

"not a chance. Wait here. I'll also bring you a warm blanket." 

I just had to silently agree. Violet left. I got up and went to the window. It's raining, everything is so gray and dull-green, as if all the foliage, soil and grass had spread about and mixed into one dirty mess. It was already getting dark. 

I wonder where's AJ?

She came back pretty quickly, with a steaming mug and a big dark brown blanket in her hands.

"you better get in that bed." she said, strewing the blanket. I really did feel worse — my head was pounding, and my eyelids seemed heavy and fervent.

"where's AJ?" 

"he's with Willy and Tenn, don't worry." 

"I should go get him when it's time to go to bed." I mentioned, taking my shoes off and getting under the puffy blanket. 

"I'll get him myself. You better stay here." She handed me the mug and sat on the bed nearby.

I blew on the liquid before sipping. Violet watched me the entire time, and I didn't really mind. 

I knew that once I catch her staring, she'll immediately look away, so I didn't. 

Leaning down, she gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, so that I unwillingly froze for a second. 

Her touch gave me the sense of safety. It felt like I've known her for a long time.

I was admiring her, warming my palms on a hot mug.

Her face was too close not to..

She locked our lips before I did. Her movements were slow and tempting, I didn't want her to stop.

"stay with me tonight." I said as she pulled away.

"what about AJ?"

"what about him? We're not doing anything wrong."

"okay."

She took the mug from me and put it on the dresser. Throwing off her shoes, she crawled under the blanket. I nuzzled into her neck, as she wrapped both arms around me.

"thank you.." I mumbled sleepily.

"don't mention it..." She ran her fingers through my curly hair, massaging my scalp.

 

Almost instantly, I fell asleep, feeling calm and safe.

 

* *

 

I woke up again in the middle of the night, feeling as if I was burning.

 

I immediately noticed that AJ was lying on the opposite bed. Violet got him ... She herself slept beside me, with her hand resting on my waist.

Trying to not disturb her, I got out from under the blanket and went to the window. The rain stopped. Despite the intense heat, I was shivering.

For a while I looked at the trees and the murky sky, trying to cool down. Then I noticed someone walking in the yard.

Tall figure, light long jacket, which stood out in the dark.. Louis?.. 

He was walking in haste. Going to the gate, he carefully darted out of the territory. 

My stomach twisted in a knot. 

I put on shoes, barely keeping my balance, and scurry for his room.

All my limbs ached, I kept quaking relentlessly.

Coming up, I pulled the door knob. It wasn't locked.

Louis isn't here. Fuck.

I felt it in my gut that something was awfully wrong.

Taking nothing with me, I ran into the yard, to the gate.

The cold night air didn't improve my condition at all. It was hard for me to run, but I tried to move as fast as possible. Louis was nowhere to be seen. Too many directions to go.. 

Stones, bushes and trees seemed to be walkers, but I kept going, splashing through the wet mud.

Frazzled, I stopped, trying to get my bearings. Nothing but the rustle of foliage, heart was clacking in the chest.

Where could he-

 

BANG.

Shot, somewhere very close. I almost screamed from fear and suddenness.

I felt like crashing to the ground. Fear, interspersed with incredible fatigue, was overtaking me. I don't remember feeling so weak, and my condition was worsening. 

Nigh by I heard footsteps, rustles, and.. Miserable groaning. Walkers. No. No, no, no... 

Gazing around, I ran back. The path was incredibly slippery, my legs were sprawling. The walkers were approaching. Ahead, I saw one, he was already pulling rotting hands towards me.

With the last strength I pushed him, running away.

Almost at the gate, I flew into Violet.

"woah, fuck, Clem, what are you doing here?"

"I.. I saw Louis and then he.. Got outside... I tried to follow him.." I was incredibly feverish, my throat felt as if it was squeezed in a vice.

"what? Shit, let's get to safety," she clawed my hand. 

We returned to the school grounds and Violet closed the gates behind us.

Without a word, she tried to drag me back into the room, but I broke loose from her grip. 

"I can't sleep, Violet!" I screamed in a whisper.

"Listen, I know what happened down there, okay? But we can't worry about that now. Go to bed, or your condition is gonna get worse! I can't lose you, Clem, I can't! We keep losing people and I can't! Your temperature is very high, and it's NOT a good sign." her voice cracked, "please, just go back to bed. We'll talk about it in the morning. But now you can't be on the cold."

She looked worried and exhausted, almost at the verge of breakdown. 

I just nodded, heading for our room. AJ was still fast asleep.

We both lied down. She pressed me close to her again, but as soon as my head touched her chest, I couldn't hold back my sobs. Wet and suffocating, they cramped my throat.

She stroked my head and kissed my forehead. It seems that tears were rolling down her cheeks, too.

"don't cry, please, Clem, don't cry.." she kept whispering but I couldn't stop, emotions were over the edge.

 

It was painful. Inside and outside.

 

* * *


	9. Remember Me, Write my Name on the Stone

CHAPTER NINE.

 

* * *

 

I remember how my mother used to sing me a song as a child. Lullaby before bedtime, or the way to sweeten the pill when I was very sad. Now I often recall this song in my head.

Is my mind wandering? 

I woke up in the evening, it seems. The room was gloomy, greyly.

There was a mug of chilled tea on the dresser. No one else in the room.

My left side got entirely numb, I turned on my back. The whole body was on fire, the temperature didn't subside. It seems to get worse. How long did I sleep?

My eyes were tingling, and dry, salty paths of tears withered on my cheeks.

I have remembered. I remembered what happened. All this time in a deep slumber, as though delirious, I was losing the feeling of reality.

Louis killed himself. I didn't see it, but I knew. I knew it. 

I turned on the other side, now facing the wall.

I had a lot of time to look at this wall. It's gray and scuffed, in many places the paint has fallen off.

The sound of agile steps in the hallway made me turn around again. It shouldn't be so difficult, but it is. Fuck. 

I felt so faint, my muscles weakened, the stomach seems to have swallowed itself a couple of times by now. 

It was AJ who entered the room, immediately hurrying to me. Seeing that I wasn't sleeping, he beamed.

"Clem! you've been sleeping all day, everyone's worried."

"I'm sorry, kiddo, I'm just.. Not really able to do much right now." 

He put a plump palm to my sizzling-hot forehead. 

"you're hot." he stated. 

"yeah, I know."

"I heard you crying last night. I didn't know what to do."

His confession touched me. I stroked his cheek, as he gently leaned into it.

"there's not much you could do, kiddo." 

"are you gonna get better? Violet said you are."

"then you should believe her. Where is she?" 

"in the hall. They've been talking all day about something, but they won't tell me a thing." He pursed his lips.

"I bet they would tell you if they could." I knew what this was about. I knew it too damn well.

"why could they not?"

"because they can't, for now. Sometimes, when the situation is unclear, it's better not to make noise in advance, you know?"

"yeah, I guess.." He rolled from heel to toe and back.

He took a lighter from the table and lit a candle on the dresser.

"I wish you weren't sick. It's not the same out there without you." he said, frowning. 

"I'll be fine and on my feet soon, AJ. Take care of everyone out there, okay?" 

He nodded.

"Violet's gonna come soon.." 

"okay." 

He hesitated a little more, looking around.

"what is it?" I asked. 

"I'm just.. Worried about you. I've never seen you like that before." 

"couldn't help it. I wasn't careful enough and supercooled." I stood on my elbows.

"I know that something bad happened. That's why you were crying. Tell me, Clem, please?"

I sat down, hanging my bare feet off the bed. A chill immediately ran across the skin.

"could you pass me the boots?" I asked him. For some reason, they were out of my reach.

He obediently drew them to me.

Tying up the laces, I looked at him, "AJ. I really want you not to worry beforehand."

He nodded carefully.

"it's a.. I think something bad happened to Louis. I can't be sure, but it's probable."

"like what? Did he get bit?"

"no, not like that." I tucked a non-obedient hair behind my ear, "there's this thing called 'trauma'. People can get it when something really bad happens to them. Sometimes it makes them.. Do bad things."

"so Louis got trauma."

"yeah. After they cut his tongue out. Sometimes the trauma is to hard to handle, even impossible, without help. And.. I think he didn't.. Get over it."

"what do you mean?"

"he.." I can't say that to him, I can't, not now, "Ran away into the forest. We don't know where he is."

"are we going to look for him?"

"that's what I'm gonna find out. Could you please here and get involved? For now?"

"but I wanna-" 

"AJ." 

"fine. I'll stay here." 

I got out of bed, feeling weak in my legs, and headed down for the hall. 

Ruby and Violet were there. Violet looked somewhere in the direction of the window, Ruby were going thoughtfully in circles around the room.

"Clem?" Violet raised her eyes, "how are you feelin?"

"like shit. But we've got something else to worry about." 

Ruby right away went for my forehead.

"you still got fever." she informed, "I kind of expected it to be something like a cold, but it doesn't seem so." She looked at the floor, puzzled, tugging at her shirt sleeves. "Violet.. Um.. Told me about what happened."

"yeah.." Violet scratched the back of her neck, "we didn't have that many suicides. So it's.. Unusual." 

"We don't know if he's dead or not!" 

Violet cast a regretful look at her.

"I saw some walkers behind the fence. Must've came at the sound." she said.

Ruby sighed heavily, putting her arms to her sides, "I can't belive he did it. I really can't. He looked bad and all, he shut himself down. But I didn't think it's that bad."

"did you tell anyone?" I asked.

"no, not really. No one asked, except AJ. What are you gonna tell him?"

"I'm gonna tell him the truth. Probably."

Ruby nodded silently, leaving the room. She seemed to be holding back her sobs, her shoulders were coherently trembling.

"fuuuck..." Violet drown out.

"did anyone.. Go check if he's there or not?"

"is there a point? I bet he wouldn't be shooting some bird in a forest."

"I should've stopped him. If only I was faster.."

"you were as fast as you could." she took my hand,  
"there's nothing you could do."

She pulled me to her.

"you were so hot last night.. I got worried." she touched my cheek with her lips, her hair smelled like cigarette smoke. "you still are."

"I can't just lay in bed all day."

"Clem. I know you want to help. But we can only hope it'll cure itself, and.. Are you shaking? "

"I'm really cold." I admitted.

"let's get back to your room." 

I didn't try to resist at that point. Although I felt sick of such helplessness, as if my body was betraying me, I followed Violet.

 

AJ was sitting on his bed, spinning a barrel of his revolver.

Seeing us, he only brightened up a little.

I took off my shoes and again slipped under the blanket. It became warmer, tense muscles relaxed. 

"I'll make you some tea." Violet took the mug and left. 

AJ didn't look at me, only at his gun.

"did Louis kill himself?" 

I froze, "yes. Yes, he did." I said quietly. 

AJ pusred his lips, eyes running around to the sides, on the floor, then he jumped off the bed, deliberately loudly stamping his feet on the ground.

"this is bullshit!" he strained, "how could it happen? Why?"

"AJ, I-"

"No!" yelling, he stormed out of the room. 

I tried to wrap myself in a blanket as much as possible. He'll cool down. It's not easy for him, he got so attached to Louis.. I closed my eyes, but instead of darkness I saw yellow spots, like from bile.

I don't know how much I laid there. In the complete silence of the cold gloomy room. Yellow spots turned into people, nature, and silence in echoed voices.

My yard. I swing on a wheel, hanging on a tree brunch, looking into the blue, bright sky of my childhood. Like small bells ringing above the ears, foliage whispers.

Everyone's gone, but I don't know that yet. I just take a moment to enjoy the loneliness, when I can dream, and dream..

I warm my face in the rays of the hot midday sun, dreaming of the sea. It's hot here, so stuffy, I'd kill to plunge into cold water.. Cool my head. 

It feels like my hair is gonna catch fire. 

I go to the kitchen and turn on the tap. But even cold water turns out to be warm, and it goes quite a bit, in a very thin stream.

I wash my face and neck from the stickiness of sweat.

The air around me is hot, as if in a stove. It gets hotter and hotter, I climb into my tree house, but it betrays me as well - it’s also very hot in here.

I could go home, hide in the darkest corner in search of a draft. But I was scared to be in a house. Too much space, too much time for me to think. I sensed something amiss.

Somewhere in the distance I hear a shot, it's alarming me. Why would anyone shoot just like that? Something must have happened. My anxiety turns to fear.

I'm too scared to go down for a meal. Hours pass, but truly childish, all-encompassing fear prevents me from moving.

Where did Sandra go? From minute to minute she must return. The more I desire it, the closer it is. Right?.. 

 

But she didn't return. Not today, not tomorrow, not a day after that. 

 

Nights are colder than days. Sweat dries, it becomes easier to breathe. I almost don't come down from a tree. I really want to eat, but the house is out of food already. Sandra was supposed to buy groceries... 

And again the yellow days, like spots of bile, float before your eyes. How hot it is... 

 

"We need to head north. Get to Wellington. That's our best shot." 

 

North ... It's snowing.

Cold snowflakes land on my face, melting away. It's so nice... 

The blood in my veins stopped boiling, it flows evenly again.

"Clementine." a familiar voice calls me. I turn, trying to find where it's coming from. 

In the distance I see Kenny. He stands like a statue. Wind gutting his gray beard. Falling into the drifts, I run to him.

I rush into his hands, but instead find myself in the cold embrace of snow. 

He appears again behind me.

"you have to go back, Clementine. They need you." he says, looking at me with dead eyes. 

He pulls out a gun and puts it to his temple.

"I'm so proud of you." he says and pulls the trigger. Red blood sprinkles the silver white snow. 

 

 

As if having pulled out of the water, I come to my senses, gasping for air.

Cool water flows from my forehead, a wet rag plops onto my knees.

Violet is standing near the dresser, instantly turning in my direction.

"you woke up," she says, "you were raving in your sleep."

Mechanically, I glanced at the opposite bed. AJ slept, facing the wall.

She squatted down next to my bed.

"I was in the forest, looking for.. You know."

"found anything?" I laid back down, fixing the compress on my forehead.

"not at all. I searched the entire area near the place. Didn't find any clothes, nothing." she shook her head. 

"but walkers only eat flesh."

"yes, they do. Maybe we don't know something?" 

"no, it can't be. They never touch anything made out of fabric." 

She shrugged, looking at the floor. 

"how's AJ?" I asked. 

"he was pretty upset about it. He tried to get behind me when I went on intelligence. I didn't let him." 

"he's never lost a friend before. Someone really valuable. I think it got to him." 

"yeah.." she sighed. 

I turned on my side, throwing a cloth into a bowl of water.

"I feel.. Guilty. About what happened to Louis." 

"what do you mean?" 

"I mean.. The day before everything happened, I came to visit him. He was acting weird and then he kissed me." 

Her eyebrows raised slightly, "well, uh.. He obviously had a crush on you. He could never hide his feelings." 

"I don't share it." 

Violet looked shyly at the floor, avoiding my gaze.

"hey, Vi," I moved closer to her, "it doesn't mean anything. I didn't do it, okay?" 

"yeah, I know. I'm, don't bother, it's cool." She said it as if she wanted my words to be erased from her memory as quickly as possible.

She stood up. 

"will you stay with me tonight?" 

"no, I.. I want to be alone today." Quietly, as she used to walk all the time, Violet left the room.

Immediately it became empty and silent. In the room and in my soul. The more I lie in this bed, the more I drown in it. In the memories that oppress me.

What if I could save him? 

What if..

 

* *

 

A week or so has passed. I hardly hoped that I would recover, but the temperature finally began to drop, for the first time in so many days. I had an appetite again, I ate, although I almost threw up after that.

 

I no longer needed compresses, gradually, a cup of tea disappeared from the dresser.

AJ returned to normal again, but the residue remained. Periodically, he became sad, but the meetings with Tenn still pleased him. They drew together, played with toys, stood on the guard. They seemed to be closer than ever, and Tenn truly trusted him.

Violet more often than ever went out of school, under the pretext of a walk, or checking traps for the presence of loot.

She wouldn't let me go with her, since I was sick.

 

We met today's sunset on the bell tower. As always, with cigarettes between our fingers. I loved to watch her smoke. It was like part of her, and it attracted me. Everything about her attracted me.

The way she took care of me and AJ, sleeping in her hands worked like a painkiller.

"thank you," I said, exhaling the smoke. 

"for what?" 

The days became colder, the end of autumn was near. Violet was wearing a dark gray coat and light ripped jeans, which exposed her bony knees. 

"everything." 

"don't mention it. I wouldn't do any other thing. I'm glad you're okay." 

 

The sky was painted in the most delicate shades of yellow, pink and purple. The tops of the trees, like brushes, were dipping into this riot of colors, drowning in it.

"it's your turn to be on watch today, remember?" Violet asked, quenching the cigarette. 

"yeah, I do. After what seemed to be like eternity, I'm even glad." 

"you know, I was thinking a lot. Is this the place we're gonna spend our lives at?" 

"you don't like it?" 

"I've spent the majority of my life here, seeing nothing but these walls. I know that we won't be able to go on a tourist tour or something. But the change would be nice. I dunno. Maybe it's just a dream that will never come true." She laid down on the stone slabs, putting her hands under her head.

"who knows. Maybe we will find some other place." I suggested. 

"I mean.. You, AJ and I? Away from others? It's just.. After what happened with raiders, I don't feel safe behind these walls. As if every time they acquire more and more terrible outlines. I look at this peeling ceiling and.. I want to see something else. And I wish that.. I could see it with you."

She looked at me with that special loving warmth in her eyes, which made me limp.

I climbed onto her lap. 

"I wish I could see it with you, too." I leaned down and kissed her. 

Unable to restrain my inner glee, I couldn't let our lips fall apart for a while. 

Then Violet slid her tongue in. She doesn't do it that often, but when she does, I can't help this tickling feeling, it's breathtaking, and it makes my heart race. 

 

I grabbed her face, she held onto my coat. I wanted to continue, to get something else that would satisfy the thirst that I felt inside.

I lightly bit her lip, feeling the smile creeping up onto her face. 

"hey, don't bite.." she chuckled. 

 

We've become bolder and more open with each other, and I was happy with that. 

"you gotta go." she whispered against my mouth. 

"yeah, I know." I got off her, shaking the dust off my knees.

A fire had already been lit in the courtyard. Ruby was warming her hands with the same thoughtful face as usual. Omar was stirring the pottage in a steaming cauldron. Tenn was drawing at the table, chatting with AJ on the way. Willy sat on a remote couch and was sharpening his knife, while Aasim was writing in his diary. Everything was almost exactly the same as on the first day of my stay here. I even felt deja vu of some kind.

"hey, guys! Spending time away from us again?" said Ruby, playfully raising an eyebrow. 

"just a bit." Violet said, sitting down at one of the tables. 

"Omar's preparing us something nice today, it smells real good." 

"that's good to hear," I smiled. 

AJ immediately left the bench he was sitting on, running up to us.

"it's almost dinner time," he announced.

"everyone, get your plates!" Omar called. 

We took the bowls and began to approach the cauldron alternately. It really smelled amazing, my stomach immediately began to grumble. Omar's dish met expectations: it tasted just as great. AJ, as always, swept the whole plate in a matter of minutes. However, almost no one else hurried to pounce on pottage. We ate slowly, stretching every spoon. Sometimes, when there are no to so little food, you forget what it's all about. And your stomach forgets too, so much, that it can get you sick later. 

After finishing my meal, I threw a quick look at the spot at the head of the table where Louis used to sit. All the lightness had disappeared somewhere, it became hard for to breathe. Like a black longing squeezing my chest. I was waiting for his voice to utter the coveted "it's time to play some cards," but it wasn't happening. Silence. His empty spot.

I sighed.

"is there something wrong?" Tenn asked. He was sitting at our table during the dinner, along with AJ and Vi, now they both went to wash the dishes. 

"no, it's.. Fine." 

"I can see that you're sad. Look at what I drew." he passed me the drawing. I took it in my hands and right off the bat recognized the familiar features. Louis. 

"oh," I breathed out. 

"I know you miss him. I do, too. We haven't played cards since it all happened. But it won't be the same without him, I guess." 

"maybe we still can? One day." 

He nodded, hanging over the new sheet of paper. He used pencil to draw lines. The lines, that seemed to depict someone familiar.

"I'm sorry, Tenn." I said glumly. 

"what about?" he glanced at me. 

"your sisters. That it all had to happen this way." 

"I said goodbye to them long ago. Holding on to it would mean letting you guys down. I didn't want that." He lowered his eyes, twirling the pencil in his fingers.

He didn't say another word. I got up from the table and climbed onto the post. The night haze has already covered the majority of the forest.

Goosebumps went all over the skin just looking at it. 

I settled down comfortably and began to observe.

Violet was the last to enter the school, she waved to me before doing so. AJ was supposed to join me later, now he went to sleep for a while. 

A couple of torches in the courtyard were always left lit at night, mostly those along the edges of the perimeter.

I looked at the burning flame, then at the dark forest, in the depths of which almost nothing was visible.

After a while, I started to get sleepy, but still kept my eyes open. How to entertain yourself in a similar situation? Mostly think. Many and tensely, and often not about the best things. 

An hour passed, maybe two, when I heard rustling near the walls.

I immediately got up and grabbed the binoculars. Something flashed in the foliage. Doesn't look like a walker..

Maybe it's James? Or..?

I tried to see the fugitive again, but he disappeared.

I got down on the ground, holding the knife ready.

Slinking, I walked to the gate. Rustles continued, but I didn't see anyone. Opening the gate quite a bit, I went out into the woods.

Obviously, I couldn't look in all directions at once, but I tried to reduce the chance that someone would attack me.

For a second everything went silent. No more movement, nothing.

I froze, gazing around.

What the-

Then someone dumped me to the ground, perching on top.

I started tossing and turning, frantically wriggling, and finally turned over onto my back.

"Minerva? What are you-" Before I could finish, she dug into my throat and began to choke me. Even in the blackness, I saw the sparkle of her wild eyes. They were burning with rage.

With every second it became harder for me to breathe, it seems she pierced my skin with her nails, because the spots under her fingers burned and ached.

I clutched at her hands, trying to free myself.

"you... FUCKING BITCH! YOU MESSED IT ALL UP!" She hissed. 

Finally, I was able to throw her hands off my neck, instantly punching her face. Groaning, she took a step back. 

I tried to see my knife in the grass, but it was too dark. 

She ran up and hit me in the stomach, I writhed in pain.

"what the fuck are you doing here.." I coughed out. 

"I was looking for revenge on you. For breaking my commune. For destroying the only safe place I had in this WORLD!" She kicked me again, this time on the knee, so I fell, "Everything should've been great. We would take the rest and be together. But no. YOU TOOK THEM ALL. YOU TOLD THEM TO FIGHT AND GET THEMSELVES KILLED. YOU turned MY people against ME. They knew me, and they were supposed to listen to ME, why would they belive some fucking stranger out of the forest?" 

"I showed them the fucking true. You were the one who gave them up for the raiders," I felt something hard on the ground. That's my knife...

I slowly lowered myself to the ground, trying to grab it. 

"oh, is that so? Well, the truth is, Clementine, that we're fighting for survival. We needed soldiers to win this war, why can't you get it?"

With one jerk, I jab the knife into her thigh, she howls from pain.

I jump on her, knocking down. Without realizing it, I begin to beat her face hysterically. Hatred feeds me. I think I've never experienced so much anger for one person before.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?" I hear Violet's voice behind. I stop, but as soon as I do, Minerva punches me. I feel the taste of blood in my mouth, when I touch it, my fingers turn red.

"Don't touch her, Minerva!" She steps in and pushes her away from me, "what are you doing here? I told you not to come here, ever." Violet chided. 

I spat the blood out, "what do you mean?"

"It’s a pity, Violet, that you’ve gone over to her side." 

"shut up," Violet hissed at her. 

"I didn't think that you would go against me. I thought we had something!"

"you destroyed everything we used to have. Now go away, this conversation won't go any further."

"I can't stay in this gatehouse. Thank you for blowing up the place where I could go. Plus I didn't finish."

She tried to hit me, but I dodged back.

"fucking stop," I chastised.

"leave!" Violet assailed.

I heard other sounds through our bitter argument. Walkers. Wry feet stomping on the ground. 

Minerva also noticed this. She tried to push me on the oncoming walker, he grabbed my arm, but I broke free.

"fuck," Violet cursed, pulling the cleaver out of the walker's head, "if you wanna save your ass, follow us!" she commanded. 

After crushing a couple of heads, we ran to the gate, Minerva stuck behind us.

Once safe, I tried to catch my breath. 

Then I came up to Minerva, who had her eyes lowered to the ground, holding her bleeding thigh. Her entire leg was already soaked in blood.

"if you think you're gonna stay - you're wrong." I scowled. 

"it's not for you to decide." she jeered. 

"it's for me to get rid of you when you irritate me once again." 

Looking in the direction of the school, I noticed that AJ was standing on the porch, looking at us in perplexity. He was also holding his gun. For a second I wish he did the same thing with Minerva as he did with Marlon. 

Wrath was tanking from me, I no longer wanted to restrain it.

"you're a bitch." she muttered, hovering over me. 

AJ stepped ahead, pointing the gun at her.

"Give it A REST. Please." Violet snapped, "Minerva can stay until morning. When we clear out the path, I'll escort her out." she avoided meeting Minerva's eyes. She, on the other hand, was looking at Violet incessantly. "you'll be sleeping in the office." 

"I can't even have my room now?" 

"it's not yours anymore." Violet glared at her, "it's enough for today. We all better get some sleep." 

Everyone dispersed to their rooms. When the door closed behind me, I couldn't help but let out a heavy sigh. 

I felt like imprinting her face into the ground. Shit. 

"what happened there, Clem?" AJ asked quietly, "you were so mad." 

"I just hate that.. She came back. I was hoping she didn't make it." 

"I don't like her, too. We got caught because of her." 

The skin on my face seemed to tighten up. I remembered the already dried blood.

I touched the bone in my nose. It staggered frivolously. 

"fuck," I breathed. 

"she broke you nose?" he wondered. 

"kind of. I'll go get first aid kit. Could you do me a favor and try to get some sleep?" 

"but I want to help you," 

"I'll do everything myself, kiddo. Go to bed." 

He looked at me doubtfully, then put his gun down on the dresser and climbed under blanket. 

I got up the second floor, going for bathrooms. My path went past the main office. When I was walking by, I heard voices. 

"you know I can't do that, Minnie. It's over, you destroyed it all by your choice." through the crack between doors, I saw Violet treating her leg with an antiseptic. 

"I didn't wanna do it, I had to. Marlon gave us up." 

"but you agreed to be given up." 

"I had no choice. But I never forgot you. I was thinking about how we'll meet again one day. Maybe you could change your mind.. I'm sorry for what I did. But they would've shot me if I showed you mercy." She spoke softly and monotonously.

"Minnie.." 

Minerva leaned in really close to her, whispering something into her ear. 

I wanted to punch her in the face so badly, this desire was hard to curb. Inside, there was a hope that Violet would push her away if she tries something, mixed up with an insult for something that hadn't evenhappened yet. It hurt just because Violet let her get so close to herself.

Minerva pulled away from her ear, putting her palm on top of Violet's. 

The tension was like a string. I was afraid that it would rip apart and break my heart. To pieces, like many times before. 

Violet looked at her with an indiscriminate expression. Puzzled, but I wasn't sure.

When Minerva made a move again, Violet flinched back.

"I don't know what you're thinking of yourself or of me. But I'm not gonna ruin everything I have now just for you, because you decided to come back. I didn't ask you to. I told you to stay at that lodge, but you didn't. Now I don't even care where you will be. Just don't show up here again."

Violet rose, collected bandages and an antiseptic in the first-aid kit, and headed for the exit. I scampered to the side, dropping into the bathroom.

She rejected her... Because of us?..

I went to the sink and peeked at myself in the mirror. Jesus, I don't look good. Bruise on cheek, swollen bloody nose...

Scooping up some water from the basin in the corner, I washed my face.

The moon tonight almost didn't shine. And the small part of it that was left got lathered up by the fog.

I sighed. My heart felt inexplicably hard and heavy.

The sound of the door opening made me flinch. It was Violet, with a first-aid kit in hand. She looked frightened at the sight of me too.

"shit, you scared me." she said.

"sorry, I was just washing my face."

She put the white box on the windowsill and came up to me. Pulling the sleeve over her palm, she wiped the water drops off my chin.

"she got you good.." she mumbled. 

I chuckled ironically. Looking into her eyes was special. As if something grew in me, increased, it was necessary to look away at the right moment, so as not to explode.

"you mad at me?" she asked.

"not at all."

"well, you should be. I let her stay at that lodge, I shouldn't have done it."

"it's... Okay, Vi. As long as she leaves."

"she will. I'll make sure."

"I.. Uh.. I mean, I know you had feelings for her, and.. That's why you helped her, so-"

She interrupted me by pressing her lips to mine.

"Clem.. I know we got something special. I got special feelings for you. I don't want her to ruin that, I really don't." she whispered over my lips.

"I feel this way, too.." I pulled her in again, letting waves of feelings overwhelm me. I felt it everywhere, inside, with goosebumps on my skin.

"you wanna.. Maybe stay with me tonight?" she suggested. 

"I wish... But I can't leave AJ, I told him I'll be back. Maybe next night." I kissed her lower lip, "goodnight, Violet."

 

"goodnight, Clementine.."

 

* * *


	10. Tell me, Violet, What Love Means

CHAPTER TEN.

 

* * *

 

I put on his sweater. It smells like him. His whole room holds his spirit. I like spending time here, and at the same time, I don't.

It reminds me of him, the feeling of pain is mixed with sweet memory and sorrow.

This feeling is dark blue in color. It's longing, but it's not pain. The pain is red, is violent, juicy, flowing. It's a lot, it spreads easily throughout the body. This sadness, it's different.. It is thick, clumsy, tart, it clings to your chest, doesn't allow the heart to beat more often.

Over time, it becomes black and hardens. And with it so does your heart.

Am I black inside?

It's amazing how long people can continue to believe and feel. After so many losses, I love and value again. Along with that, I'm afraid. An incredible fear takes hold of me when I think of what might happen. Back then on the ship, I almost lost my mind.

Thinking that Violet stayed there and didn't get the chance to escape... That I won't see her anymore. I won't hear her voice again. Would I want to live on? I value her so much, is it even possible? Normal?

I've never experienced such feelings, they almost frighten me.

As if that blackness inside me becomes quite bright. Warm, alive, it's florid as blood, it flows inside me with this feeling.

I couldn't sleep, even though I wanted to. I made sure AJ fell asleep and came here. Changed clothes. Smoked.

His clothes are comfortable. I always liked that jacket with fur he used to wear all the time. It must've been terribly smeared with blood when he..

 

But I had no such feelings for him. Those that would make me love him endlessly and impetuously. Hugs in his hands wouldn't make me feel that the whole world doesn't exist.. But it was love. The other kind. Like a friend. Family. He helped me. He valued me. He loved me. Maybe not like a friend, but it doesn't change anything.

Too bad I couldn't save them both.. Now another part of me is lost. I miss him. So much. 

 

I returned to my room an hour before dawn and fell asleep almost immediately. I saw vague and heavy dreams until the light of the morning sun kissed my eyelids.

I rolled over to the other side and tried to fall asleep again.

It seems I fell into some sort of slumber when AJ patted me on the back.

"Clem? You're going down for breakfast?"

We rarely ate together. Never on purpose. But sometimes some would go to eat at the same time. Me and AJ often had meals together. 

"no, I'll.. Stay in bed for a while." I mumbled. 

He sniffed as if trying to say something. I turned to him and opened my arms. 

He climbed onto the bed and pressed his back to me, I covered him with my arm. 

"what's wrong, kiddo?" I asked. 

"it's nothing. Uh.. Tenn's been.. Acting weird lately. He's all up in his head. I can talk to him, and he won't even look at me. He had been thoughtful before, but now he seems cut off in the middle of a conversation." 

"have you asked him about it?" 

"not really. I dunno how to start. It doesn't feel right." he admitted. 

"oh yeah, I know that feeling. But you're friends. You have to have these kinds of conversations to keep things going. As soon as someone starts to be silent, the relationship collapses, mistrust appears. But everyone has the right to their secrets, AJ, don't forget about it either."

"I thought the secrets are dangerous?" 

"more often that not they are. In our world. But I don't think Tenn's gonna hold it against you." 

"I hope so.." 

He fell silent. We both laid in silence, and it seems both of us were quite comfortable. AJ didn’t fidget, he was lying relaxed. I was again beginning to fall sleep, when I heard a heated discussion in the yard.

AJ jumped up and looked at me worryingly. 

I threw off the blanket, put on my shoes, and we hurried outside. I was still wearing Louis' swamp-colored sweater that was loose on me.

Everyone gathered in the yard. Farthest away, near the gate, stood Violet and Minerva. Right in front of them is Tenn, and the rest were on the sides. I immediately understood what was the matter.

"Tell them, Tenn. I am your sister, do you really want me to die there?" Minerva was clearly trying to play innocent. 

"I don't know, Minnie, it's not for me to decide.." he hesitated.

"I can't believe it, Tenn. I cared about you before I left and I'm willing to do the same thing now. Do you realize I had no choice?" she kept going. It was really pissing me off. Violet noticed me by now, giving me a faltering look.

By the appearance of the others, it was clear that they also were questioning the entire situation. They kept looking down, sometimes gazing at Minerva, and seemed especially frowned upon.

"but this is unfair!" AJ suddenly stepped up, "she came here and attacked Clem, what if she attacks someone else?"

Several pairs of eyes first settled on him, then on me. All the evidence was on my face in the literal sense.

"why would you attack her, Minerva?" Ruby addressed.

"I.. Had my reasons. She ruined the perfect plan we've had for reunion."

"what is that plan exactly?" Tenn spoke. 

"the raiders were supposed to take the rest of you, so we could be together. That's what I wanted." 

"guys, maybe we shouldn't make such hasty conclusions?" Aasim tried to step up. 

"you're so full of shit." I broke in, "they weren't just gonna take us for freaking family reunion, we were supposed to become food for powder. We would be sent to death, and not her. Now she's just trying to save herself. Just stop already." 

She glared at me, "fine. Whatever you say. It's clear that you're gonna believe her and not me. Throw me out. I don't care. Come on, Violet."

Before she left, Tenn threw himself into her arms, so quickly that I didn't have time to react. She hugged him back, patted his shoulder. Said something that no one else had heard, and went out of the gate, waiting for Violet. She took one last look at all of us and also went out. Soon they disappeared into the forest.

"what a way to start a day." Aasim muttered, going back to his favorite desk. 

Ruby immediately went to me.

"shit, your cheek... And.. Nose. What happened?" 

"she jumped on me in the forest, started hitting." 

"what the fuck's gotten into her? Well, I mean, it's obvious, probably.. Let's go and apply something cold."

She took me to the kitchen and began to rustle through the cabinets in search of "something".

I watched her and didn't dare to ask, fearing that now someone would drop by and hear.

She took out some loose sack and put it to my cheek, handing it to me. It was cool, but not cold exactly. 

"the coldest thing I could find." she said, "you know, I'm a little bit shook, honestly.. It was fine for so long, and then what happened? The twins were taken by the raiders, Minerva joined them. Now she came here, trying to kill you. What's wrong with this world.." she shook her head.

"I.. Ruby, I'm not sure I should ask, but.." 

"oh, come on. We're all family now. Ask away." she chirped. 

"well.. Uh. Shit. What do you know about their.. Relationship with Violet?.." 

She brightened up, and I was only more ashamed, as if I was asking my mom where do kids come from. 

"I know it's none of my business, but-" 

"hey. Clem, it's cool, no worries. It's pretty normal that you're interested." She narrowed her eyes slightly, as if remembering, "well, I don't know much. They used to hide the majority of what was happening between them, like you two are doing now. But it was obvious they had a bound, everyone knew although they wouldn't tell. Minerva was the guiding star, and Violet followed her radiance. She became her first friend here. Obviously, not everything went smoothly, but... It was a relationship. Serious, I would say."

Her story didn't inspire me much, although nothing else was to be expected. If Vi didn't value her so much, she wouldn't have saved her, but she did. 

"hey, what's that sadness on your face is about?" 

"I'm just wondering if she still has those same feelings.." I sighed. 

"I can't say for sure, but.. I saw her when she looks at you. Maybe she's not over Minerva yet, but she's into you." she poked me playfully. I smiled weakly.

"I.. Hope so." 

"I can't believe Clementine is second-guessing herself. You're always so confident, fighting, ready to rush through.." 

"I've been in many fights, but I've never been in a relationship." 

"you're gonna be great, yeah? Give me that," she took away the sack. Somehow this conversation left me wishing that Violet comes back soon. I.. Missed her. 

"ye-" 

AJ ran into the kitchen, Tenn reluctantly trudging behind him, stopping in the doorway.

"do we have something sweet?" he asked. 

"some, but don't get too used to it, kiddo, it might not last." Ruby handed him a pack of dried apricots. 

The little boys disappeared as quickly as they appeared. I thanked Ruby and headed to the main office. It was necessary to kill some waiting time, so I decided to look through numerous books on the shelves of dark wood. In general, I liked this office, it was quite cozy. And the balcony, albeit a bit broken, was in its own liking to me.

Books on business, economics .. Managing school affairs, a lot of casebooks with a bunch of names, various folders with documents. Mostly scientific literature, not a single work in the prose was found in here.

In one these books were similar - they were covered by a huge amount of dust. Of course , I didn't go through each book on the shelves, it would take too much time. So I decided to search in the desk. 

All the drawers were open. In one there were documents, in another was a diary and a couple of pens, as well as an old broken watch. In the largest bottom drawer, I found something more interesting. Several carved bottles labeled "Jack Daniels", as well as a whole set of 6 cigarette packs. There was a key hole in the drawer itself, but the drawer was open, and I didn't see any key. Not that I wanted to close it, but.. 

"Clem?" 

From surprise, I immediately stepped away from the desk. 

Violet smiled, shaking her head, "what are you doing?" 

I was happy to see her. Almost too happy, you could say. 

"just.. Uh.. Looking through some stuff. I was bored." I stuttered. 

"what'd you find?" she asked slyly. 

"just some alcohol and cigarettes. Now I know where you get these." 

"I've found the key from it not that long ago. The other one was always open, but it had only one bottle." 

I but my lip, remembering getting drunk the first time. 

"wanna try some of it later?" she came closer. 

"yeah.. sure." 

She smirked, but then suddenly jaded. 

"how'd it go?" I asked. 

"not so well. I guess I was kinda... Lying to myself that it should be easy and it wasn't." 

I lowered my eyes, not sure if I should keep questioning her any further.

"I'm sorry, Violet.."

"that's fine, I'm not sure we could co-exist anymore. That would only bring more tension." 

"where did she go?" 

"I don't know. We got to the road and separated.. Could you pass me a new pack?" he nodded at the desk.

I got a new pack of cigarettes. Smooth, solid, completely untouched all these years.

Gave Violet one and extracted another for myself. She took out that very heavy lighter with a magnificent eagle on it. The silver finish was almost worn away and now it had a dark rust color.

I lit a cigarette, unwittingly thinking about how pleasant and harmful this habit must be.

Violet, apparently, had her head in the clouds. Periodically, she would stare at the cigarette smoke waftures, as if she saw a hidden meaning in them.

"wanna open one of these bottles tonight?" she asked.

"I wouldn't mind it."

She nodded.

After opening the door with her paw, Rosie entered the room. She has become rather quiet lately, but our relationship couldn't be called tense. It seems she trusted me.

She looked at me and Violet without much interest and laid down in the corner on her favorite mattress.

"Rosie is an old dog. She's around sixteen, I think." Violet said.

"wow, that's a long time to live for a dog."

"for us, too."

"yeah.."

"hey, wanna see something?" Violet straightened up and walked over to the bookshelf, which I was discharging some time ago.

"what is it?"

"there gotta be files somewhere.. With our pictures, when we first came here." 

With thin long fingers, she went around the books, folders, reaching out and examining every third.

I sat on the desk and watched her. These feelings of happiness and carelessness, which I feel when I'm with her are so unsteady.. It can all be destroyed in seconds. If she's gone, I...

"found it." Violet announced, plaping large brown folder on the desk. 

She opened it, and the very first photo was a general photo of all students at the school.

 

"Everyone is so small.." I said. Although these kids were "troubled" they all smiled widely at the camera with such childish joy in their eyes, "where are you?"

"oh, you see that blonde head peeking from behind this big guy? That's me."

"oh."

Violet chuckled, turning the page.

The next picture was taken during the lesson. The photographer stood at the very end of the class, catching the pupils' backs with the lens.

She turned the page again. Here, sitting on a window sill in the corridor, two girls were looking at something in a book. One of them had fiery red hair and a sly grin, the other, blonde, seemed quite embarrassed. 

Violet froze, looking at this picture. I knew what's up. It's her and Minerva. God, they're so little, and Violet has such a long thick hair.. 

"Mrs Ambers liked taking pictures of us." she said quietly, "it wasn't a bad idea after all. Now we got these.." She continued to look at this photo, as if enchanted, but her face didn't express a single emotion.

"Vi.." I squeezed her shoulder, "I'm sorry."

She closed her eyes, clenching her fist, "I.. Just hate it. I hate that adults left us, that we've lost so many of us.. We were so scared, so little, and I.. She took care of me. With her I didn't feel scared. And in the end she turned against me." Her voice faltered, "I didn't want to kick her out, but it's just too much for me. If she stayed, I dunno. I'm glad I have you, Clem, if anything, it's a fucking blessing, but.. Shit." She shook her head, as if trying to stop the flow of words pouring out.

I pulled her close, she buried her face in my neck.

"I hate being emotional like that.." she mumbled, I could feel her hot breathing on my skin. 

"it's okay to be this way sometimes.. Means you can accept your emotions and move on." 

She didn't cry, just breathed heavily. 

Pulling away from me, she slammed the folder and put it in the drawer. "we'll finish it later." 

"maybe you want.. Some private time?" I suggested. 

"yeah. Yeah, pretty much." With these words she left the room.

 

* *

 

Until the evening came, I was just fooling around in our the room. I borrowed a book from the office, the contents of which even after reading some pages remained a mystery. I couldn't properly concentrate on reading, the words seemed to float away from me, giving way to obsessive thoughts.

 

Minerva didn't go out of my head. It made me angry that Violet would be crushed again because of her. It was painful for me to see her like this, and even though I wasn't guilty, I constantly wanted to apologize in order to somehow dilute the situation.

Periodically, AJ would come in, tell me something and leave again. When it came to sunset, it was time to go for water.

I, Willy, AJ and Aasim took buckets and headed for the river.

To put it mildly, the road was awkward, the conversation wouldn't start; everyone just kept walking, creaking with their buckets.

Near the river it was always smelling of forest especially pleasantly, water gurgled. I would sit here for several hours, or even all day, just looking at the flow. Maybe I still can.. Someday. 

I leaned over to the water and lowered the bucket, Aasim squatted next to me.

"hey," he whispered, "did you notice that.. Everyone's been kind of on edge lately?" He started the conversation so suddenly, it confused me. Usually we communicated rarely and only for urgent need.

"yeah, maybe. It's dangerous to relax, you know?" 

"yes, I know. But.. Well. What I'm trying to say is.. Louis' situation is fucked up. I know I'm a little late to the party, but I couldn't get the chance to talk to you." 

"it's not.. Why would you want to discuss it again?"

"you're wearing his sweater, so I thought, maybe you know WHY he did it?" 

I took a full bucket out of the water and put it on the ground, "you saw everything yourself. The things he's been through? Hardly anyone else could live with that, especially Louis." I answered somewhat annoyed. I really wanted the conversation to end. Does he need to add insult on injury?

"listen, I wouldn't be asking under any other circumstances.. But I'm just trying to understand what happened. He was so glad to see you, it's incredible. And it seems you two were close?"He emphasized the word "close", which annoyed me even more.

"no, we weren't as close as you think. Could you please stop questioning me? It's not a pleasant topic to talk about." 

He looked at me either scared or embarrassed, took his bucket and started walking back.

AJ leveled up with me on the way back.

"what did he want from you?" he asked. I looked at Aasim, keeping a decent distance.

"if only I knew." 

We came back when it was already getting dark. I loved the sunsets, they were really beautiful. As usual, a fire was lit, the water was poured from buckets into the cauldron and left to heat up.

Surprisingly, Willy, too, was silent all this time. When he returned, he immediately sat back down at his usual place - the old sofa by the fence.

I approached him and sat on the free half. Recently, I often had to play the role of a psychologist.

"what's up?" I asked. 

He immediately turned his head, as if not noticing me before.

"oh, hi, Clem. It's cool, why?" 

"you've been very quiet lately." 

"really? Hmm.. Well, yeah, I guess. Just not in the mood. I want to sit and think more. I used to think less before, I liked to fool around. But after what happened, something changed." 

"I don't want to impose, but what exactly has changed?" 

"Louis liked to fool around, too. Many people told him to stop, but he wouldn't listen. And when we got caught, he just kept talking.. I thought nothing ever could break him. But it probably did. And then he killed himself. The most cheerful man in this school. And now he's gone. What do we do then?" seriousness of his tone made me tense up a bit. 

"We.. Keep fighting. That's all we can do." 

It seems my answer didn't satisfy him. He just lowered his eyes and continued to sharpen his knife, which was already incredibly sharp from the daily sharpening.

I got up and walked to the cauldron of water, noticing Violet, sitting on the steps of the porch. 

She was looking at me. Her expression seemed relaxed and calm. 

I came up to her. 

"hey." I said softly. 

"hi." she answered just as quietly. 

"how are you?" 

"better. Much better, I'd say. So are you.. Gonna stay with me tonight, as you promised?" She even looked overly relaxed, almost wadded.

"yeah, I suppose." I leaned very slightly toward her, immediately sensing the smell of alcohol.

I raised my eyebrows, smiling coyly. 

She shrugged, breaking into a grin. 

"you're drunk." I stated. 

"not at all. I'm just glad to see you." 

"yeah, all right." 

By that time the water is already hot. I poured enough amount for both of us and dragged it to the bathroom. AJ went to fill a separate bucket for himself.

Bathroom was languid and dark, as always. I liked that. The warm light of the torches was reflecting from the bare tile. And that tingling feeling in my stomach won't go away. 

Almost simultaneously we went into the stall. I undressed, feeling an unpleasant chill on my skin, and began to pour myself with water. After a while, I realized that, apart from the splashes that I was making, no other sound was heard.

Immediately I felt somehow uneasy; I tried to become quieter. Really, nothing. 

"Vi?" I called. No answer. Just some.. Sobs? Heavy breathing? 

I couldn't decide what to do. Should I..? 

Throwing over myself a thin but large towel, I slipped out of my stall.

I knocked on her door, "Violet? Can I.. Come in?" 

"yeah.." she breathed. Hesitating, I pushed the door aside.

Violet was sitting on the floor without clothes, droplets of water froze on her pale skin. My first thought was how thin she is. 

She slowly raised her head, looking at me. 

"I'm sorry.. I hate being emotional.." she hoarsed. 

"Vi.. Come on." I sat down in front of her, unwittingly letting go of the towel, the upper part of my body became bare.

Her eyes froze on my collarbone. She gently took my neck and pulled my head to her, merging with me in a kiss. This was something incredibly intimate and exciting, I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach. 

The kiss was long, piquant. Wet lips flamed, burning each other. 

I wanted her.. To touch me somewhere else. I myself felt ashamed of such thoughts, but the smell of alcohol from her lips captivated me.

When she pulled away from me, for a long time I couldn't take my eyes off her.

"I gotta finish." she said, meaning the washing. 

I awkwardly got up and returned to my stall. I was turned on. Never before did physical contact with Violet had such a wild reaction of my whole body.

I finished the cleaning, put my clothes back on and left. 

Violet didn't make me wait for too long. When she came out, I wanted to kiss her again.

We didn't linger in the bathroom, but went to her room rather soon. I already warned AJ about my future absence so that wasn't a problem. 

A single candle was lightening in the room. There was an open bottle of alcohol on the dresser, a pack of cigarettes right next to it.

"way to ruin your health.." I said in a more joking manner. 

"we'll probably get killed by a walker sooner than by a lung cancer." 

Having settled down on a bed, we lit up the cigarettes. Between the puffs, Violet took gulps from the bottle throat, squinting as she swallowed.

Periodically, the bottle would fall into my hands. Gradually, I was getting drunk, the room began swimming before my eyes, and the smell of smoke intensified.

There was quite a bit of alcohol left, when I felt incredibly tired and reckless at the same time. 

Leaning my head on the wall, I sighed. 

"what's wrong?" Violet asked, sounding slower than usual. 

"I still can't get over the whole Louis situation." I admitted, "it's like fucking stuck in my head on repeat." 

I looked at Violet carefully. I didn't want her to feel bad due to the fact that I often mention Louis, especially after that story with a kiss..

"who knows, maybe he's not dead. I didn't find any proof that he is." she said. 

"I'd love to encourage myself with this, but.." 

"yeah, I know. Empty hopes." She finished the last few drops of the drink, "I fucking hate myself for it, but I still hope for Minerva to.. Come back or whatever. It would've been easier if she was dead.." She covered her face with her hands, climbing onto the bed with her legs, "it's not even like I love her anymore.. It's just this stupid devotion.. As if I'm constrained, and I can't finally let go of something that will never be returned.." 

"Violet.." With the movement of my hand, I forced her to lower her legs and climbed onto her lap. Some weird kind of energy was driving me to do this, but I didn't mind at all. 

Our faces were so close, we breathed the same air. These words hung between us that no one could utter, although we both knew what those words were.

"I.." I breathed, my heart was going crazy, "I love you, Violet.." 

Her eyes flashed in the darkness of the room.

"I love you, too, Clem." And she kissed me. Modestly and briefly, and then again and again. I was getting hot. Mechanically, I fell back on the bed, Violet hovered over me, kissing my neck.

My breathing has increased, I couldn't thinks straight. Her hand sneaked under my sweater again, but then slid down to my jeans. For a second, I got scared, but it was almost instantly washed away. 

She unzipped my pants, making me shudder with anticipation and the fear of unknown. With all my behavior, I was telling her not to stop, and she didn't. 

Her fingers were only for a second near the very zone where I wanted to feel her touch. Then she penetrated into me, spurred on by my drawn-out moan.

"hey, not so loud," she kissed my lips softly. 

With smooth movements, she went in and out, making me wriggle in sweet agony. It was something incredible, and this feeling grew in its perfection.

It all was happening so fast and intense. 

And then it became too much. Bliss reached its climax in a phenomenal explosion of pleasure all over the body. 

For some time I kept shaking, blood was pumping in my veins. Having finished the job, Violet grinned and crashed down beside me. 

I immediately became drowsy. I nuzzled into her neck and closed my eyes. I was feeling so much, but how to express these feelings in words? A simple "I love you" wasn't enough. I think any words wouldn't be enough, so I just breathed, clutching her hoodie in my hand. 

"you're the best thing that's ever happened to me.." I heard her whisper before falling asleep. 

"I'm sorry." 

 

* * *


End file.
